Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A Morning After Election Note from Uncle Karl

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

This IS NOT happening. I’m Karl Fricking Rove for Christ sakes! There has to be some mistake here, I ran these numbers over and over again! I followed my play book, ran the racist and scare ads 24-God-damned-7 over this past weekend! I sent the goons to scare away folks with dark pigmentation from the polling places in key districts. HOW COULD WE LOSE????????

Independents don’t vote, where did these people come from?? Iraq was a bloody mess the last election and not one of these idiots bothered to vote back then. We keep all of you bastards safe and THIS is the thanks we get? And you holy rollers, what the hell? So Foley likes the male pages, he’s a person in POWER, get it? We’re allowed to live whatever lifestyle we preach against, it’s one of the perks we get by condescending to keep you safe from gay marriage and abortions! Why are you sticking a knife in our back?

Speaker Pelosi? ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS?! I have to chug a bottle of Pepto-Bismol every time I think about it. This is just not possible, all my polls said we’d get the non-thinking drones in our base all worked up and turn off enough other voters to squeak another one by. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??? And don’t think I’m not going to call and complain to that moron from Diebold. Guaranteed results my ass!

Looks like we have no choice but to turn to Plan X. Going to have to start the paperwork to declare George as America’s first emperor appointed by God. We'll have to abolish Congress and the Supreme Court. Probably will need to call enough National Guard units back from Iraq to deal with the unrest. You pricks out there wouldn’t give me my 35 year mandate the easy way, fine. Let’s do it the HARD way!


Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

At my voting location, we were allowed to choose between touch screen computers and paper ballots.

I chose paper...because I thought it would be lovely if my were actually counted.

3:34 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

You mean we're NOT getting rid of Bush in two years? I'm moving to Canada immediately.

4:06 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

A job well done, guys! Congrats on the election!


4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's nice to see the bad guys sweat for a change. Did I say "bad"? Sorry, I meant "evil."

9:58 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

I know they are slow Karl but eventually if you pile on enough crap the people wake up to the nightmare. It took too long I grant you but it has happened. Go back to Texas and see if you can find something to match your skills and morals. Maybe a nice position as a door stop in some rat infested slaughterhouse or something.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Suck it, Rove!

9:52 PM  
Blogger Monkey Bob said...

Awesome post! I can envision this guy in a SS uniform with Heinrich Himler glasses on! Hey, f--K the Republicans if they can't take a joke!

4:59 AM  
Blogger Monkey Bob said...

You have one of the best blogs on the web which feature "News of dubious truthiness". The Hal Smart-Ass 9000 is a classic! My blog, Monkey Prose, also dabbles in this genre. With your permission, I am going to link to your site, and feature your blog in a post. Please advise if you have any objections.

5:10 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

What? Nothing on James Brown yet?

9:03 AM  
Blogger Dave481 said...

I have a Dr.Max Important Book. Remember that?

6:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr Max are you the man behind Fake Steve and that's why you've abandoned us? :^D

3:25 PM  
Blogger Parker said...

This is my first visit to your blog. I love it!

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hallo how are you..?..nice blog..

9:02 AM  
Anonymous rachel said...

fantasic post.. now i m looking forward to read ur next post...

10:12 PM  
Anonymous オテモヤン said...


12:09 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

There is a lot of hostility in the words. Mr. Rove it might be in your best interest to seek other employment, because it doesn't look like things are working for you. On another note, nice and informative post on Mr. Rove's inability to work in the fire.

8:18 AM  
Blogger Median vahtikoira said...

Love your blog. Keep going. I really admire your writing style.

8:13 AM  

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