Monday, November 06, 2006

An Election Eve Note from Uncle Karl

Well howdy folks, it’s your old pal, Uncle Karl here. Just wanted to send you all this last minute note before the big day tomorrow. It looks like things are going to be tight this year, I’m pretty concerned the we Republicans are in pretty big troub....Haaaawww! Sorry, as I was saying, looks like the Democrats are finally going to regain at least one House if not two and....AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA....can’t breath....HA HA HA HA...damn...just wet my pants.

Hey, I tried, I really wanted to be all serious like, but c’mon folks I’m Karl Fricking Rove, not an actor. You lefties are so precious with all your high hopes about the midterms, it’s so damn funny. This is you Democrats, “BLAH BLAH BLAH, the Iraq war, Katrina, providing easy to read nuke bomb plans for Islamic terrorists on the internet, this is going to be OUR year!” PAH-LEASE! Like any of you would get off your asses and take the trouble to actually VOTE! I’m the guy that got George W. Bush elected to a SECOND term you stupid hippies, I know what I’m talking about. You get all outraged and write on your pathetic blogs and talk to each other on your little-listened-to talk radio shows but when it comes time actually perform the one civic act that could do something about it, your much too busy buying lattes or getting abortions to remember about polling places. It’s truly like shooting Vice Presidential hunting partners in a barrel every few years with you idiots.

Now, look at my side, the core Republican/evangelical base. I can just say a phrase like “Speaker Pelosi” , “two guys kissing after their vows” or “Kerry joke” and these chumps will pack their cars full of folks and form huge lines out of whatever school gym is holding our rigged Diebold machines. Doesn’t matter what we do, screw up a war, kill tons of troops, let a major American city drown, our sheep always come through for us! We jack up the subtle racism or scare them until their Depends overflow and they leap into action! They forget all about Foley, Haggard and my good friend Jeff Gannon and keep us in power! I hate to say it, but it sucks to be you Democrats, ha ha ha ha!

I can’t wait to see your crying liberal faces on Wednesday morning. You’ll be wondering what the hell happened (I’ve got a new Mac Book Pro and Diebold’s Result-o-Matic software, so I can determine who wins with my laptop right from the den ) when we are still in control of it all! No oversight for the last two years, PARRR-TAY! You think we botched Iraq, wait to you see how we screw up Iran. Let’s just say the place will be glowing when we’re done (hint, hint). It’ll be carte blanche for all big business too, whatever you guys need just ask. As long as you have a high paying job for all of us in two years, the sky is the limit!

Let me close here by saying that no matter what you radical lefties think, President Bush truly believes the outcome in Iraq is vital to our national interests. He has told me repeatedly that he’d like be appointed Ambassador to Iraq after his term is up. He won’t leave Baghdad’s green zone until the last American troop is home safe and sound. Bwahhh ha ha ha ha ha! Oh man, you fell for that? Georgey will be back on his damn ranch with a six figure corporate board position (that requires only that he keep breathing) within two seconds of leaving office! You nonvoting no-brain liberals are so stupid, you DESERVE to have me kick your ass every two years!


Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

Thank you sir, may I have another?

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done Doc, yer back in the saddle again! So tell me, how was your time in Crawford? I've got to think that after two months, there's not a heck of a lot of brush left.

6:47 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...

SSB - I'm going with the tough love this time. No more excuses Dems, get off yer dang hinders and vote yah lazy sacks!

Snake-Those of us who worked at the ranch were pretty discouraged. He didn't hire enough workers, we didn't have the proper equipment and there was no planing for post shrub conditions. Weird...just got the strangest feeling of deja vu.

7:05 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Welcome back, Dr Max!

And good luck to you guys on election day!

2:54 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Not letting up...that's good. I hope we can get Karl to do a follow-up after today. Maybe one from prison would be appropriate? Glad to see you survived the ranch but I could of told you not to expect too much in the way of planning. GW's idea of the final phase of project planning is to assign blame.

1:53 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Dr. Max! You're back! And with a bang.

4:52 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...

MHC- Good to be back MHC. Thanks for the good wishes from Canada, we need all the help we can get down south.

Monk - He has plans to invade his neighbor's ranch, says that's where all his brush comes from...

Roses - Yeah, back on the internets. Missed you guys, I'll explain/make up excuses for my disappearance soon.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

Hey Doc! I'm glad you're back... I'm hoping Karl won't be.

9:02 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Flubberwinkle - Good to be back. Looks like Karl couldn't rescue himself from himself tonight. He was responsible for turning political narriative into policy for this administration. Looks like voters want someone to deal with reality now.

1:51 AM  

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