Thursday, August 10, 2006

President Bush Says Foiled Terrorist Attack Leaves Him No Choice But To Invade Britain


Speaking from his vacation home in Crawford Texas, President George W. Bush said today that evidence that the terror plot to blow up American airplanes came from British citizens has left him no choice but to invade the island country. “Britain must understand, that if you harbor terrorists you will face consequences,” said Bush while clearing mesquite from a drainage ditch, “as I have often said, you are either with us or against us.”

“Understand, this is not a decision I made with any relish, Tony Blair is a friend of mind, just the other day we had a nice chat over some dinner rolls, I like the guy,” said President Bush. “But if you allow your country to become the home base for terror cells bent on harming our citizens or property, America has no choice but to act! I am requesting that Tony Blair, Parliament as well as Queen Elizabeth and her family all resign and turn themselves over to UN authorities by this weekend. Operation Revolution 2 will begin at a time of choosing not long after. As for all you tea sipping terrorists over there, let me tell you, Don Rumsfeld drew up these plans himself, so get ready for London to be looking a lot like Baghdad in a couple of months!”

“Britain and America have always had a complicated relationship,” said President Bush, “our founding fathers had to smack their hoity-toity redcoat generals around a bit for this country to get it’s start. And today, since Britain doesn’t seem to care that a bunch of their own citizens want to destroy our country's great experiment in democracy, I guess we’ll have to teach those crumpet chomping elites another lesson! Better get your fabled bomb shelters cleared out and ready for business again Londoners, you know what I’m saying?”

“I think this time I can safely say that Britain is in possession of weapons of mass destruction, we just don’t have the time for our usual half-hearted State Department diplomacy," said the President as he patched a barbed-wire fence. "What if these weapons fall into the terrorists' hands? We must act quickly and decisively if we are to reduce most of that historic country to rubble and inflict the highest number of casualties to innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. And don’t think images of folks with fancy english accents crawling out of the what’s left of their flats is going to weaken our resolve. You Englishmen let these terrorist infiltrate your pubs and betting parlors, what did you expect to happen? Besides, we are currently working on passing legislation for changing the name of our native language here in the US from ‘English’ to ‘Freedomish’.”

6 Comments:

Blogger fallenmonk said...

I wouldn't be very surprised if someone in the administration didn't suggest this. There are an awfull lot of muslims in the UK so it is a logical step in the GWOM and they do have oil.

7:28 PM  
Blogger TheSarc said...

New Article: Terrorists "1 for 2" in Airline Murder Plots, Tie Breaker set for 2011

1:01 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

bfI mayhave to print this one out and frame it!

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

But could we ever bring democracy to that monarchy?

8:53 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Are there any freedom loving people over there? Is there any any democracy left to spread all over those crumpets?

This post is so perfect in so many ways. It's a gem!

3:28 AM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Thanks for stopping by Patricia and thanks for the nice comment...needy bloggers like me need all the encouragement we can get. I generally don't comment on my own comments but I always read and appreciate every one.

Oh and so as not to be a jerk, thanks Monk, Roses, Snake and thesarc for taking the time too. I never take you guys for granted either. Peace out.

3:03 PM  

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