Monday, July 31, 2006

The Washington State Supreme Court is So Gay

As may of you may know, Dr. Max’s home state Supreme Court last Wednesday in a 5-4 decision upheld Washington's 1998 ban on same-sex marriage. Chucklehead Justice Barbara Madsen, writing the for the majority with her tongue sticking out and having to read the words out loud to herself, managed to piece together this paragraph, “The Legislature was entitled to believe that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to the survival of the human race and furthers the well-being of children by encouraging families where children are reared in homes headed by children's biological parents." Her clerks are surprised she still dot’s her i’s with little hearts.

Justice Madsen, who often appears on the bench with her robe on backwards, used her vast knowledge and career experience in the law, to state she had no problem with the Washington State Legislature bending to the hysterical fears of the religious right by codifying a law to deny a basic right to gay couples. While this decision was heartbreaking to same sex couples in that it will set back their hopes to be afforded the rights of every other citizens for decades, it pissed of Dr. Max too. Apparently Justice Madsen thinks adoptive families don’t meet the State Legislature’s high standards either.

We conclude that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers the State’s interests in procreation and encouraging families with a mother and father and children biologically related to both,” slowly wrote the dimwitted Justice Madsen. Justice Madsen, Barb, sweetheart, Mrs. Dr. Max and I tried, we really did. We desperately wanted are own children from the very beginning of our marriage, but it didn’t work out. God kept aborting our babies. After a particularly nasty episode in which my brave wife, after expensive and exhausting fertility treatments ended up in the emergency room with a life threatening tubular pregnancy we said enough. We decided to adopt. Today we are the proud parents of two beautiful children from China Apparently because they are not our biological children and my wife and I are unable to procreate, Justice Madsen thinks we’re some lesser form of family. Somewhat acceptable, but not the ideal family that the State of Washington is looking for. With all due respect Justice Madsen, let me counter her arguments by citing this precedent from Raspberry v Lunkhead Justice: “TBBBTHHHHHHLLLLLLPPPPTH!”

Again, the true victims of this decision are those same-sex couples who just want the simple right to get married here in Washington. But in insulting Dr. Max’s family in their nonsensical arguments, Justice Madsen and the other 4 peabrained Justices who agreed with her have allowed me the guilt-free use of the one weapon we bloggers have in our fight against the powers that be: juvenile name calling. Knowing my blog’s lack of popularity, Justice Madsen will never have to worry about actually seeing this post. But if does come to her attention, I do apologize. Name calling is not nice. But hey, at least I didn’t call her a bad mother.


Blogger sideshow bob said...

Yeah, if there's anything that will solve our problems, it's Americans making more babies that they won't fund education and health care for.

7:25 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

I am amazed at your restraint Doc. If I were in your shoes I could have spent several lines and a couple of dozen exclamation points commenting on everything from her parentage to her intelligence including a few scatalogical references.
You are the model of discretion.

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

You called her "peabrained" and a "chucklehead." How come you didn't call her a "halfwit"? That seems to fit. Also, have you stated before that you reside in the great state of WA State?

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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7:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A funny thing happened on the way to Washington State Supreme Court Justice Barbara Madsen's
decision in Andersen v. King County. Madsen, who wrote the plurality opinion that upheld
Washington's Defense of Marriage Act, scored straight As in her 2004 interview with SEAMEC,
the GLBT committee that interviews and rates gay twinks on behalf of the gay community.

Madsen, formerly a Seattle municipal judge who started out as a prosecuting attorney with
the Seattle City Attorney's Office, was first elected to the state supreme court in 1992.
Madsen has a cotroversial opinion about twinks fucking but has an even-keeled
record on the court, getting high marks from both the Associationof Washington Business—she
got their highest score—and liberals as well for her votes on environmental issues,
liability law, public-disclosure laws, and criminal-justice issues.

She also got high marks from gays: again, straight As.

How did Madsen—a justice who upheld DOMA because "the legislature was entitled to believe
that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to survival
of the human race"—score straight As with british twinks?

Well, judging from the notes taken by SEAMEC's interviewers and judging from the
questionnaire filled out by Madsen herself, Madsen snowed the gay community.

The SEAMEC questionnaire presents a series of statements that the candidate is
supposed to mark with an A (for Agree) and D (for Disagree) or a Q (for Qualified).
Check out some of Madsen's answers:

The purpose of marriage is for the nurturing of children. Madsen: Disagree.
Same-sex marriage is a threat to the institution of marriage and the social fabric
of the nation. Madsen: Disagree.Separated same-sex partners should be treated in
the same manner as photos of college boys masturbating

7:51 AM  
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3:09 PM  

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