Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Open Mic Night


Bush: Yo Tonester, how they hanging there buddy?

Blair: Fine George, fine. I’m sure your as upset about this Middle East situation as I am.

Bush: Not as much as I am about the butter situation here at our end of the table. I mean how the hell is a guy suppose to butter a bun when Jacques McSnootypants hogs it all? First Vlad makes me eat that beet soup and now I can’t get a spread on this roll to get the damn taste out of my mouth.

Blair: I’m sure you feel as I do, that we need a comprehensive diplomatic response, to show how serious we are about....

Bush: Y’know what I call that beet soup Tony? Borschtshit. Get it? Like horseshit, only borschtshit. Hee he he he. I mean, I don’t care how much sour cream you ladle on that crap, the beet still comes through.

Blair: Ahhh....right George, anyway. Will Secretary Rice be heading to Israel? If there's any assistance we can give her on negotiations we’d be happy to....

Bush: God damn it! This Diet Coke is warm. What is so damn hard about getting ice in this country? Man, I can’t wait to get my ass back on Air Force One, I’m gonna get me a freezing cold Diet Coke and a burger, hold the beets. Not sure what the in-flight movie is....

Blair: Getting back to Israel George, I think if we do some of this through the U.N. we could apply some pressure without being seen as siding too much with...

Bush: Jesus Tonemaster, don’t you ever relax? You’re getting like all these other leaders here, it’s like it’s always business with you folks. Look at me, I’m a war-time president but you’d never know it from the way I act. I’m still a fun guy, giving the German Chancellorette a massage, driving those cool golf carts around. It’s why they love me back home.

Blair: Yes, well, this is a rather serious matter here George, we kept telling everyone that the reason for going into a Iraq was to reduce strife in the region and....

Bush: Hey Tone-Loc, please, I’ve heard enough long speeches for one day, OK? Do you foreigners ever stop with the blabbidy blah blah? We’re on vacation here too, loosen up pal.

Blair: But George, with Baghdad in the shape it’s in and now war starting in Lebanon, the world is looking for strong leaders to take action so additional bloodshed can be avoided.

Bush: Woo Hoo! Caddyshack!

Blair: I’m sorry George, what the hell are you talking about?

Bush: I just remembered, the in-flight movie! It’s Caddyshack, that’s a funny one, ever seen that Tony?

Blair: (Sigh)...have a fun trip home George.

Bush: Thanks Tone, say, ask Vlad the Impaler to send more butter patties down here if you get a chance!

11 Comments:

Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Hiya Doc! Don't spend as much time here as I should. Shame on me.

What makes my heart drag is that this story reflects probably pretty well reality. *Shudder*

To think the most powerful country on this planet is ruled by a guy like that...

I saw in the news that he talks to other world leaders with his mouth full (your photo). What an embarrassment it must be. Makes me remember when we had Chrétien for a prime minister... *rolleyes*

6:57 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Oh and forgot to say: great post as usual, Doc!

6:58 AM  
Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

How do you manage to get the transcripts for all these things? It's uncanny.

7:46 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Doc is a genius!

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

I know he's a genius. That goes without saying. But still...

1:23 PM  
Blogger sideshow bob said...

Dr. Max, when did you decide to eschew the satire in favor of straight-up news reporting?

7:59 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

I have a link for you. It's a photo and the caption of that photos is:

Dahh! Wokay!

Linky to pix.

He's so wasted, he needs Putin to show him where to sit... Good lord!

6:06 AM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

The fact that THIS might have been the real dialogue between them wouldn't surprise me a bit... in fact, I'm almost convinced that it was.

12:29 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Of course he hated the beet soup. None of the Bushes like veggies. Remember the Broccoli Blow-up?

11:12 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

The line between reality and fiction is getting fuzzier and fuzzier.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

I'm with FallenMonk. If this weren't so possibly true, I would have found it much funnier. We are in a very depressing time. Keep the wit coming, DrMax.

2:55 PM  

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