Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Sleep Aid Drug Manufacturer Credits “Bush Insomnia” For Record Profits

Drug manufacturer, T.D. Weesley Inc., maker of the sleep aid Nodoxidin, said they achieved record profits last quarter due to “Bush Insomnia”. “People don’t know what to expect next from this administration,” said T.D. Weesley spokesperson, Henry Childs, “they lie awake at night going over all the things Bush has done and could do to before he leaves office, so we couldn’t be happier.”

Childs said the Nodoxidin division’s profits were up by 75% over the previous quarter. “We can’t keep it on the shelves,” said Childs, “customers are telling us that try as they might, they cannot keep visions of Iraq, Hurricane Katrina and high gas prices out of their heads at bedtime. Nodoxidin seems to be the most effective drug in helping these Bush insomniacs achieve sleep, mainly due to it’s ability to produce low grade, short term comas.”

“Our surveys also show that the Bush administration appears to produce some very vivid nightmares,” said Childs. “With Bush’s approval ratings so low he has nothing left to lose, one can only imagine what he has in store for us in next few years. We advise anyone suffering from apocalyptic dreams of an Iranian Nuclear War or the federal response to a bird flu outbreak take two tablets an hour before sleep. Read the label closely however as this may cause deathlike symptoms, including not breathing and decomposition.”

“We only wish Bush could run for a third term,” said Childs. “We would sure as hell be contributing to his reelection campaign if that damn constitution hadn’t been amended after F.D.R.. We’re making so much money we feel like an oil company. We’re still holding out hope he just calls off the elections and stays barricaded in the White House. Talk about CHA-CHING!”


Blogger Oberon said...


8:55 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

"Low grade, short term comas". I'm in awe of you, Dr. Max.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

Rumsfield was a major "Tamiflu" investor when the avian flu panic struck, so I'm guessing that perhaps the Bush administration policies are all part of a get-rich-easy plan, where most likely Cheney or GW are major share holders in Nodoxidin. I'd correct myself and say Nah! A bit too far-fetched. But it makes for a great movie scenario so it must be true.

12:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:

DOC why dont you apply to

the think tank jobs ,,,

you seem great at it.


5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep. Was I wrong.

8:58 PM  

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