Friday, May 26, 2006

As TV Season Ends Americans Experiencing Corpse Withdrawal

As the 2005-2006 TV season in America ends, many fans of network shows are experiencing withdrawal from weekly viewings of fresh corpses. “Jesus, no new CSI’s for three months,” said Blaine Whitby of Cleveland, “frankly I’m gonna miss them all, Las Vegas, Miami and New York. They have the highest ratio of dead bodies out there. What with their detailed depictions of crime scenes and autopsies, you just can’t beat the CSI franchise for entertainment value!”

Debra Ferndale of Chicago says she and her husband have stocked up on a few series to get them through the summer months. “We have set aside some Crossing Jordans and Law & Orders on the TiVo,” said Debra, “so we can ration our corpses until the fall. Obviously these series are not in the same league as C.S.I., but if you look hard enough they occasionally feature a nice bloated drowning victim or a crusty burned skeleton with some of the same stomach turning attention to detail as C.S.I.!”

Fred Boyston of Phoenix said he will be trying out shows he didn’t watch during the regular season. “I’ve got high hopes for Bones and Criminal Minds,” said Boyston, “and I’ve also heard some good things about House. While House doesn’t usually feature actual dead bodies it does show those internal body shots of hemorrhages with those sickening sloshy wet sound effects. If the shots are gross enough, who cares if they're dead?”

Maggie Welbright of Fargo says she is worried because her family has bonded by watching network TV cadavers. “It’s similar to what gathering around the hearth used to be for families before TV was invented,” said Welbright, “we all sit together and bask in the glow of a graphic post mortem examination. I’m not sure what will happen now, I fear the lack of fresh depictions of Y incisions and brain removals could impact our special family time. Actually, my four-year-old, Todd, might not scream with abject terror each night and pee his bed as much, but the rest of us are going to have to deal with a summer without stiffs.”


Blogger fallenmonk said...

The fact that this is probably true really bothers me. Someone asked me the other day about American Idol and I had to admit that I had never watched an episode.
I read today that more people voted for the winner of American Idol than voted for Bush in the Presidential election. That is truly a sobering thought.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Herge Smith said...

"graphic post mortem examination" - you also use such sexy expressions!

I heard that Court cases in the US are occasionally having problems where there are CSI testifying on the basis that the Jurors can't undersatnd why the CSI don's have all the answers - like they do on CSI.


As for me, I have thrown my toaster out because I was worried it'd develop a strobing red eye and have a pop at me.

(jez that was a geeky joke)

1:56 AM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

Coincidentally, two nights ago I came across 'CSI:NY' on Greek public television channel. I've read a lot of dissenting remarks, particularly from US viewers, so I watched eager to find out what the hype is about. (OK, OK, I admit the fact that Gary Sinese was in it had something to do with it also).

I'm not sure I'll be watching another episode. I'm afraid that if I get too conditioned to seeing corpses (even TV fake ones), the sight of blood or an intestine hanging out of someone's guts might not affect me.

The words blood-shed and death have already lost their impact because of all the crime shows. The CSIs are continuing TIVO's legacy on disengaging viewers' emotions and making death appear all too normal or distant.

3:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm lucky I don't watch TV. Now all I've got to deal with is scone withdrawal, not corspe withdrawal.

7:13 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

I'm with Snake. I don't watch TV. I don't even have cable. Yes, I know that CSI(s) is not on cable.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

I do watch TV, and slightly embarassingly enough I even watch American Idol- Soul Patrol!! But I do not watch CSI. They suck. The stories are far too improbable and the dialog is cliche.

Shut up! Yes, I watched the X-Files, but that was DIFFERENT!!

8:55 PM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

CSI should solve the mystery of who gives a rat's ass.

(Not me...I have an alibi)

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:

senese is one of the great american
actors ,,of the last ten fifteen years

5:57 AM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

I still maintain that the Brits do much better fake corpses and that their forensic scenes are much more tastefully done.

That being said, I am in full retro-belling mode about most of American pop culture. For crime drama, nothing newer than 40's noir. For sex farce, nothing newer than Jackson and Segal in "That Touch of Class." And for military movies, nothing newer than Mitchum and Kerr in "Heaven Knows Mr. Allison."

9:48 AM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

Correction: That should be "A Touch of Class."

And on further consideration, I am now reclassifying "Heaven Knows Mr. Allison" as a sex farce and not a military movie.

9:52 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Well uhm quite funny but I became addicted to CSI and CSI Miami recently. I had been about a year and a half going on without TV and this year I dunno, I just came back to it.

(What really gets on my nerves is the bloody ads)

I'm sure that in real life CSI investigations don't go as smoothly, the workers don't have all the time in the world to solve cases, one case at a time, and I'm sure their solving cases isn't always a natural conclusion to the time spent on a case either.

I like CSI because of the way the story unfolds. As for CSI Miami I think the characters in that show are great caricatures and Horatio (David Caruso) is to be seen to be believed! In the household we have started mimicking him just for a laugh or two, like for instance "This is what we're gonna do..."

I think that the character Calleigh Duquesne is great and the least over-the-top one in the series.

But I do hate the "squishies" and leave the room when it's too graphic...

And uhm that's it for me, admitting all this was pretty hard... *sweat*

P.S.: Is it just me or has Blogger added some letters to the Word Verification, below? Used to be four letters, right? Anyway, I heard that spambots are getting smarter and smarter and that won't keep them out: if they can "read" four letters, they can "read" 30!

Death to the spambots! >_<

7:36 AM  

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