Thursday, April 13, 2006

Time Traveling Scientists Say Future Historians Agree: Bush Sucked

Two scientist who took part in a top secret time traveling experiment called the Time Tunnel, report that almost all future historians agree: George W. Bush was this country’s suckiest president. Dr. Tony Newman and Dr. Doug Phillips have traveled to the future through a laser-actuated Time Tunnel buried deep below the desert in Arizona. “What’s amazing is, even historians millions of years in the future think Bush sucked,” said Dr. Newman, “which is almost as weird as their squid-like appearance.”

“Bush has said repeatedly that he believes his presidency and policies will ultimately be judged favorably in the long run by future historians” said Dr. Phillips, “well, Tony and I can tell you, he’s about as popular with them as Millard Fillmore is with us. Bush’s war in Iraq, his environmental policies, leaking classified material for political purposes, the Hurricane Katrina response all make him score low with most future historians. Bush’s record is so bad he gets lower marks than Kabartron 869, the United States’ first robot president from the year 4056. They even take into account Kabartron’s software bugs which caused it to constantly overheat and reboot.”

“We have to be careful what we say about Bush’s final years in office,” said Dr. Newman, “Doug and I could alter history if we say too much. It’s probably best if I don’t mention that the Iranian Nuclear War doesn’t go too well for us and ...CRAP! Sorry, I hope you can you edit that out. Dang, you get to traveling though the centuries and you kind of lose place as to just where and when you’re at. Good thing I didn’t mention Bush’s biggest screw-up, thanks to him the U.S. was woefully unprepared for the Stem Cell Bomb and.....CRAP!”


Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

I can't wait until, on the last day of his presidency, Ashton Kutcher jumps out, points into the camera, and tell us we've all been punked.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

Dr. Max, I hope your words don't turn out to be prophetic.

4:41 AM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

I am admittedly biased, but I can't think of a single thing that Bush has done as president that will somehow be regarded in the future as having been simply the right, least un-screwed-up thing to do let alone having been bold and visionary and beneficial to humankind. Studies of the Bush presidency will be the equivalent of conducting forensic analyses of plague deaths.

Having said that, I must admit that I forgot how hot James Darren was.

8:54 PM  

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