Monday, April 24, 2006

Psychologist Says Gas Prices Helping American Male Learn It’s OK to Cry

A leading expert in the field of the emotional life of men says that rising gas prices are teaching males in the USA that it’s OK to cry. Dr. Wesley Felchrind of the UCLA Psychology and Bartending School Annex says he hasn’t seen anything more effective in the last decade in helping the American male to get in touch with his feelings. “It’s as if the three dollar a gallon threshold is the last straw for a lot of men,” said Felchrind, “it causes them to weep like a woman watching a rerun of Beaches.”

Dr. Felchrind says a deep psychological conflict develops when men pump gas today. “Men cannot not logically understand why the same gasoline that cost under two dollars a gallon not long ago, now goes for this exorbitantly ridiculous price,” said Felchrind. “As each gallon goes in they are saying goodbye to a new fishing rod, an extra 12 pack of beer or that Triple Whopper with cheese that they had their hearts set on. It’s not surprising that the tears start to flow.”

“These gas prices have been the source for a true emotional breakthrough for a lot of men,” said Dr. Felchrind, “it's been even more successful than that whole Iron John movement from a few years back. Very few men felt comfortable getting into a loincloth and participating in those wilderness weekends, but nearly every man has to pump gas. These prices aid them in reaching the same emotional state without having to put up with all the drumming and poetry.”

Dr. Felchrind said he reassures his patients that they are not the only ones reduced to sobbing at the gas pump. “One patient told me that as he started crying while filling up his S.U.V. a trucker came over to him from the diesel lanes,” said Dr. Felchrind. “His first thought was that the trucker was going jeer or ridicule him. Much to his surprise though, the trucker just reached over and hugged him. He said they just held each other and wept as their their pump totals climbed to fifty dollars and beyond. I think the fact two men who don’t know each other could do something like that really shows the impact gas prices are having. It’s allowing men to explore the aspects of themselves that they would have previously considered really, really gay.”


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Doc, I never realized how liberating it is to cry--something most of us guys have missed out on for years. I'm going to rent Beaches later today--a picture i missed during my misguided "tough guy" phase.

6:11 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

We don't see that here in NJ. Self-serve is illegal. So I guess the guys are crying in their cars when the pump jockey hands them their receipt. I'll have to be more observant next time I fill up.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

How liberating and touching. Emotional draining caused by wallet draining. The invasion and occupation of Iraq was too unemotional a theme to break down your average Joe's macho exterior, but Iran's threats and upping gas prices seemed to do the trick. Truly a psychological breakthrough.

2:05 AM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

This is what happens when guys finally get in touch with their inner Ed Begley Jr. It's a breakthrough, but it's just the first wobbly baby step.

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't want to get too smarmy but did want to say that without your witty posts and equally witty comments, I probably would not still be in this blogging game.

2:26 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Yep pretty soon all these American tough guys will indistinguishable from those namby pamby European men. You will soon start seeing them wear scarves knotted around their necks and carrying purses. You migh even some white wine requested instead of a Bud. The Europeans have been paying three times as much for gas for years and it has certainly gotten them in touch with more of their emotions.

12:07 PM  

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