Thursday, April 27, 2006

Excessive Cash Pressure Causes Explosion at Oil Company Headquarters

Hey folks, lazy Dr. Max here. Went to the well today to get a post from That One Blog's past. Please re-enjoy this entry from last August.

Officials believe excessive cash pressure in a vault at Tentacucorp Energy headquarters in Houston caused a massive explosion of currency there today. They believe the leak in the vault caused a rupture which engulfed the building in ten and twenty dollar bills.

Holister Pendrake, spokesman for Tentacucorp Energy said, “Well thank God no one was hurt. We had accountants inside the vault just before the explosion. Luckily they had all left to refill their wheelbarrows after the 4 o’clock cash delivery . With gas prices averaging almost $3.00 a gallon in most U.S. locations, our vaults are straining from legal tender buildup. I guess it was a matter of time before one of them blew!”

Tucker Handly, a lead accountant at the Tentacucorp facility, was near the vault when it exploded. “I’ll never forget it,” said Handly, “there was a muffled bang and before I knew it, I was under four feet of bills. I tried to breath in, but my mouth kept filling with fives. I could feel blood from some paper cuts and started to panic when suddenly I heard someone calling out. I reached out and there was Phil Leeds, another accountant who worked the vault. He was having a hard time hearing due to a fifty that had lodged in his ear. We made our way through a greenish twilight of falling cash until we started to see some blue sky. I’m still a little shaky...and I think I still have about $36 bucks in my underwear.”

Pendrake said that Tentacucorp will be reviewing the technical specs of all their vaults. “Let me tell you, being flush with cash has it’s downsides," said Pendrake. “We see the price per barrel continuing to go up, it will probably hit eighty dollars soon. Couple that with our recent tax breaks from Bush and the Republican congress and we’re not sure science can build a structure strong enough to hold such huge wads of cash. We’ve off loaded as much money as possible, we’re using a lot of the cash bricks for cube dividers in our offices now, but the inflow is still too much. Our only hope is that these prices cause a devastating economic depression. That would give us a breather and we would finally have time to reduce our reserves the old fashioned way, through campaign contributions, obscene CEO payouts and embezzlement!”


Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:

Theres something to be said about
history repeating itself,,
and a writer trying to repeat
himself again .

THANK GOD ...for copy and paste.

for those trying times of repetition. zardoz .

12:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel bad for these companies. My heart bleeds. Whatever will they do with those record profits?

1:13 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

I thought those tax cuts were supposed to pass the savings on to us - you know "trickle down". I don't even feel a mist.

5:33 PM  

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