Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Decider and The Defencer


President Bush: Hi RummyTumTum, c’mon in, take a seat. I just wanted a chance to chat with you before we do the big reorg around here. Wanted to reassure you that you have your president’s full support, no need to pack up the stapler and Post-it notes.

Secretary Rumsfeld: Thank you Mr. President, that’s nice to hear. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

President Bush: Are you talkin’ about all them retired generals and their whining? Let me tell you something Donster, I am the decider around here, me! I do all the governmental decisiony stuff, not a bunch jerks with rusted stars on their coats. In fact around here I'm, like, Super McDecidey Man, because of all the decisioning that needs to get done! I outrank all Army guys, it’s in the Constitution! And it doesn't matter if I finished my National Guard service or not!

Secretary Rumsfeld: Well actually, I should have expected all this. If one is attacking a bureaucracy one has to expect a little flack. All these generals think they know so much just because they've actually been in combat. They fail to see the big picture like you and I do Mr. President. They keep going back to the safety of their outmoded military concepts like, using overwhelming troop strength, not torturing our prisoners, and getting accurate intelligence before starting a war. I’m more of a War 2.0 kind of guy. My hope is that we can eliminate all of this wasteful Pentagon structure, so you, me and a handful of trusted military advisors can conduct all future conflicts from some sites we set up on MySpace.

President Bush: Maybe I should arrest all them generals and send ‘em down to Gitmo. I can do that too, everything I decide to do is legal! Dick says so! It’s like them retired generals are planing a Coup De Ville!

Secretary Rumsfeld: I think you mean coup d’etat sir. I don’t think that’s necessary Mr. President I....

President Bush: How ‘bout if I wire tap ‘em? Roberto says I can authorize myself to give myself permission to do that! Are any of their wives in the C.I.A.? ‘Cause, trust me, I got no problems telling someone to leak their identities!

Secretary Rumsfeld: Don't put yourself out sir. I’m sure this will all die down when things pick up for us in Iraq. Once we get this new Iraqi government on it’s feet, we'll be able to nip this civil war in the bud. Which will be nice, because dropping those nukes on Iran is going to need our full attention.

President Bush: Now remember Don-Don, I got vacation days coming up at the ranch. That’s MY time pal, if New Orleans going under water didn’t interfere with it last year, World War III is not going change it this year! When you are the Decider-In-Chief, you need a break once in a while!

Secretary Rumsfeld: Not to worry sir, I’ll take care of everything. My crack group of Neocon advisors assure me this is going to go much smoother than Iraq. Once we drop multiple nuclear warheads around Iran, I’m sure America will be seen in a whole new light in the Islamic world! Those citizens not horribly mutated by the fallout will greet us as liberators with flowers and parades!

President Bush: See? That’s why your my kinda Defense Secretary Rummy! Guess what? I gotta a surprise for ya pal. Since we both know how much these media folks are lying about Iraq, and since we’ll need you close to the action for this Iran deal, I’m assigning you to the Green Zone!

Secretary Rumsfeld: Ahhhhh.....your assigning me to Iraq, Mr. President?

President Bush: That’s right buddy, you can accompany the troops as they rebuild those schools and stuff, it’s just the kind of P.R. we need over there! Everyone will see it’s not all I.E.D.’s and sectarian violence!

Secretary Rumsfeld: Y’know sir, now that I think about it, those retired generals have a point. Could I borrow a blank sheet of paper? I need to write a resignation letter.

President Bush: Don’t worry Don, I’d just rip it up, like I said no one is going to tell me who my Defense Secretary is going to be! You’ve been loyal to me, so I’m going to be loyal to you, enjoy your flight buddy!

Secretary Rumsfeld: No, wait! Please sir, it’s OK to fire me, I really suck at my job! I’m begging you sir!!!

President Bush: Ha ha, get out of here you big kidder, these guys will escort you to the helicopter. Let me know when we’ve established democracy throughout the Middle East OK? Bye, Donhiemer! Great guy, can you pick ‘em George W., or can you pick ‘em!

6 Comments:

Blogger fallenmonk said...

That's exactly what Rummt needs. Spend a little time with the boys and girls in the Green Zone, ride the streets in an unarmored Hummer. Get out and mix with the locals.

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

Well done, Doc.

10:56 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

War 2.0! I love it. Dr. Max, you're the best!

7:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says: hehe he he
he he he , still rolling over.
=== Z ===

1:38 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

A taste of his own medicine? ;^)

7:03 AM  
Blogger ardi k said...

Too good. I love it.

8:52 AM  

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