Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Fugitive

I crouched low behind some brush as the spotlight from the helicopter swept by my position. I knew it was only a matter of time before I was spotted. I thought I could escape him, but I had underestimated his determination. Now I was trapped. How had matters come to this? It seems like only yesterday we were all celebrating, we controlled it all. Yet today here I am, laying in a drainage ditch, praying he won’t find me. I’m running for my political life.

If I’m honest with myself, I have to accept some of the blame. Me and the other members of my party created him after all. Sure, he looked good when he draped his arm around that fireman at ground zero and spoke into his megaphone, but we couldn’t help ourselves. It was such a ripe opportunity to make all our conservative dreams come true, we had to turn him into a god. And gods can never be questioned only blasphemed. And did THAT ever work for us! Control of the House, the Senate and a two-term Executive!. Whatever he wanted we gave him, all while sticking it to anyone who dared criticize or question. We created our own monster.

None of us imagined the true extent of the horror however until all Republican congressmen up for reelection were invited to the Oval Office a few weeks ago. There the President told us that he was going to campaign for all of us. He told us he was going to barnstorm the entire country, just like in his first term, even if his poll numbers weren’t so hot. He said it would give him a chance to explain how well the Iraq War was going to all the constituents in our districts, all while dressed in a flight suit. He also told us that he was going to introduce a new plan to privatize Social Security and put Harriet Myers and the United Arab Emirates in charge of the agency. He also assured us that the Vice President would be coming along to defend warrantless White House wire taps and quail hunting. Pale and shaken we left and made our plans to escape.

The first reports came from congressmen on the east coast. They had politely told the White House that they had previous engagements and couldn’t be at the President’s stop. But the President followed each of them to their alternate rallies, getting photo-ops with them before the candidates knew what hit them. A senator from Tennessee tried to make a run for it as the President joined him on stage but he was shot with a tranquilizer dart and returned to the stage so the President could embrace him. Clearly, this chief executive would not be stopped.

I thought I was going to get away with my campaign rally. I changed the date at the last minute. But right in the middle of my speech, just as I was distancing myself from the administration’s position on the ports deal, I heard the helicopter. It was Marine One and it was heading straight for me. I eluded it’s intense spotlight and dove from stage and rolled under the bleachers. The gifted pilot hung low and moved the spotlight back and forth, my only chance was the drainage ditch that ran behind the stands. I made it, but Marine One was not far away.

Dust from the helicopter blew all around me, over the din of the blades I heard a loud speaker come on. It was the President. “Come on out now son,” he said, “you’ve given us a good chase but you’re only making it harder on yourself. Time to get a photo with your President, Heh heh heh heh” The laugh chilled me. I knew his 38 point approval hand shake would soon be on me and my political career would be over. It was too late for me. But to all you other Republican congressmen and senators, listen to me; save yourselves! Hide, for the love God, hide! He’s coming.......he’s coming......he’s coming.......


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why have people turned on our Commander in Chief. Could it have anything to do with his pledge--his total, unwavering commitment-- to keep our troops in harms way in Iraq for years to come?

6:55 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

There's a forum I go to and one member there posted this link I'm sure you guys will like: Bush Goes Powerloafing.

7:17 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

I know if I was in the position of having to run for office I would definitely not want Bush on my side. Talking about leprosy here.

1:46 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

I guess the Republicans never heard the expression "Be careful what you wish for".

12:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:

slick story. Slick

== z ==

1:02 AM  

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