Thursday, February 16, 2006

President Satisfied with Cheney's Explaination of Shooting, Awards Him Medal of Freedom

President Bush today said he was satisfied with Vice President Dick Cheney’s explanation of his accidental shooting of a 78 year old man during a hunting trip over the weekend and awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom. “The Vice President felt just awful about shooting our good friend Harry Whittington,” said President Bush,"and he had such a hangdog expression after he explained what happened, I had to do something to brighten his day. These medals are a real pick-me-up, just ask George Tenet!”

“I’m sure the media would like to make this into a big story,” said Bush, “but it’s time to move on. I mean what really happened? So a sitting vice president shot a 78 year old man in the heart and face with a shot gun, I can’t understand why anyone would be interested in something like that. And this whole drinking question, so he had a few barley pops, big whoop! Who am I to judge? You’re talking to guy who would Hoover up a mirror full of coke in my wild days, just think what I would have done to hunting companions.”

“No, this is just another example of liberals trying to trump up a nothing story for political gain,” said President Bush. “Let’s not blame the vice president for discharging a shotgun into the face of a 78 year old man, let’s put the blame where it really lies, on the quail. We are presently looking into this particular bird’s background, just to see if it has any ties to terrorist networks. It would be just like al Qaeda to train quail that would embarrass the vice president in this way, remember, this is a time of war.”

The president said he is sure the vice president will be back in good spirits soon. “Dick is tough, it’s gonna take more than being responsible for a 78 year old man’s heart attack to cause the vice president to mope around the West Wing. I mean, as of today 2271 brave soldiers are dead in Iraq and we still josh and joke around the office, we’re just a crazy bunch that way. And if Dick starts acting like too much of a gloomy gus, I’ll just make up a new Presidential Double Secret Special Medal of Freedom and hang that around his neck too. I'd do anything to bring that sneer back to his face!”


Blogger OldRoses said...

It was all the fault of the terrorist quails! Of course, why didn't I think of that?

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cheney felt bad, saying it was one of the worst days of his life. How do you think Whittington would rate the day?

6:15 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...


And Bush says that Cheney's response is "just fine". Oy! :roll eyes:

9:51 AM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

Whittington apologized to Cheney today. Unbe-effing-lievable...not even the great Dr. Max could've made that up.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Of course he'd give his interview to FOX NEWS!!! But they aren't right-leaning or anything.

9:14 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

How about this one?

8:45 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

How many hunting trips with Cheney have been cancelled do you suppose?

7:12 PM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

Was the medal ceremony capped off by a 200-pellet salute via Perazzi shotgun?

(By the way, shouldn't the Vice President of the United States of America shoot American citizens using a shotgun made in America, and not one made in Italy?)

8:09 PM  
Blogger Flubberwinkle said...

Awww, that's mighty sweet of the President to cheer the Vice-Pres up like that. Cheney went through a rough period; good thing Whittington apologized too.

1:09 AM  
Blogger Chris Wilson said...

Actually, the President doesn't have his facts straight. Not his fault though, Cheney is holding his cards close. Whittington had been mouthing off to Dick all morning, saying how he was going to school him. Show him how it was done in Texas. On and on, til Dick had just had it. The funny thing was that Dick only meant to take Harry's legs out from under him. That Browning is a monster of a gun and it got away from him.

8:15 PM  

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