Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Bush Calls On Democrats To Become More Hopeful, Compassionate Pussies


In his State of the Union address to the nation, President George W. Bush called on Democrats to stop their partisan bickering and attacks in order to become, “a more, compassionate, decent and hopeful party of pussies.”

The president said that in order to address the problems facing the nation, Democrats need to stop criticizing his policies, no matter how stupid or unconstitutional they are. “Washington has become a town of personal attacks and partisan ‘gotcha’,” said President Bush, “and I call on all Democrats to allow Karl Rove to continue in this great work, so they will look girlie and weak by the midterm elections! Democrats need to support the troops and refrain from calling attention to the endless blunders I have made in Iraq so that Vice President Cheney can continue to call you friends of Al-Qaeda.”

“I am simply asking you Democrats not to take the low road,” said President Bush, “like I do when I swiftboat actual combat vets like Murtha, Kerry and Cleland who oppose my policies. Trust me you can spend some sleepless nights when you call a guy who lost three limbs a coward and you didn’t even finish your National Guard service! If my presidency is to be considered a success I need you Democrats to continue to be weak and docile like cute little kittens.”

“On September 11th this nation was attacked and I knew it was time to act,” said the President. “I had to use this event to scare the nation shitless so that Republicans could gain control of Congress. These were the salad days, whatever we conservatives said you Democrats had to go along with. God it was great, we got Iraq going, Delay started the lobby money flowing and I got to listen in on your phone calls, all while you Democrats looked like the family pooch who just had an accident in the kitchen. But today as memories of 9/11 fade so do my poll numbers. Now more than ever I need Democrats to cower and whimper as they have done so successfully throughout my presidency. Now is not the time to grow a backbone, as you showed me with the non-fillibuster of Alito, you can indeed reclaim your mantle as the party of pussies!”

5 Comments:

Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

Thanks for this post, Doc. Because I heard it all wrong. I thought Bush had called the Democrats "wussies." This changes everything.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Ah! I was laughing through the whole thing.

They would like that wouldn't they? The Democrats need more people that will go for the throat. Ones that aren't afraid to look a little rabid. Ones that don't back down from giving the Republicans a good bashing.

6:12 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Where's Hillary when we need her? Or is she holding back until she runs for president?

8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ZARDOZ SAYS:

NOW i get it old roses
the wussie thing,you mean bush is calling the democrats to have HILLARY CLINTON as the next prez nominee.?
right,,

----zzzzzzzzzzzardoz

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ZARDOZ SAYS:

DID I WRITE OLD ROSES , SORRY DOC.
ITS THE MEDICATION.
=====================PLEASE CHANGE IT.


=====ZARDOZ=====

2:34 PM  

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