Monday, February 13, 2006

Armed and Cantankerous


The Place: West Wing Office of the Vice President. The time: 8 AM this morning. The Vice President is joined by his chief of staff, David Addington and his national security advisor, John Hannah...

Cheney: C’mon in boys. Just cleaning my gun here, that asshole Whittington got blood splatter all over the stock.

Addington: We’re getting some heat on the timeline of the shooting announcement sir....

Cheney: Yeah, it figures those press mongrels would be jumping all over this! I still don’t see why we even had to announce this damn thing. Whittington is old, he wandered in front of my birdshot, why do we have to embarrass him like this? I mean these things happen when you hunt, what’s the big deal?

Hannah: Well I think people are concerned when the vice president of the Untied States shoots someone.

Cheney: Oh right the anti-NRA folks! Jesus don’t get me started....do you think any of those folks have ever gone hunting? NO! What would they understand about the joys of gathering with friends and communing with nature in the primitive wilderness of a farm stocked luxury hunting ranch?

Addington: Yes sir. But maybe we should go over this again, just to make sure we're all on the same page if the reporters keep pressing.

Cheney: Goddam it! I told you what happened. We were coming up a ridge, the Secret Service guys were doing their duty, following 30 yards out and flushing the quail. Then fricking Whittington goes stumbling off to look for what he claims were a couple of birds, like that geezer could even tell if he hit anything. Well, I saw a quail go up on my right, it flew low to the ground to my left and I lifted my gun like this and....

BLAM!

Hannah: Uggghhhhh

Addington: Oh my God Mr. Vice President, you just shot Hannah!

Cheney: Yeah, it was just like that, Whittington came up on me just like Hannah there.

Addington: He’s really bleeding sir, I better call security!

Cheney: Oh c’mon, suck it up Hannah, it’s only birdshot! You’re as big a baby as Whittington, it's getting so folks can't take a little small arms fire anymore. What the hell is this world coming...

BLAM!

Addington: My face, my face! Yaaaaahhh!

Cheney: Don’t any of you people know the first thing about hunting safety? You never place yourself in front of the vice president’s loaded gun!! Jenny can you come in here please. we have a little situation.

Jenny: Yes Mr. Vice President, how can I....OH MY LORD! Mr. Addington! Mr. Hannah....the blood!

Cheney: Oh Jenny please! Settle down, it was just a little hunting accident, go get them some water and...

BLAM!

Jenny: Eeeahhhh!!

Cheney: Oooooo, Jenny, that looks like a gut shot, you better have the staff physician take a look. Well I bet the press is going to make this look bad. Unless....say, just spit balling here but what if I have the secret service take you guys around town and dump you! Yeah, then we can say it was D.C. crime or a terrorist deal. Oh Dick, only you can accidently shoot lemons and turn it into lemonade

6 Comments:

Blogger Sylvana said...

:D you so funny!!

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:

maybe you should be introduced to
HOLLYWOOD.

=========ZARDOZ=================

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

Well done, Doc. Maybe Z is right.

P.S. I know people.

6:59 AM  
Blogger sideshow bob said...

Leave it to the liberal media...In my day, people lined up for the priviledge of getting shot in the face by the President or Vice President. Why, Grover Cleveland shot me on two non-consecutive occasions!

6:15 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

6:48 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Man, this whole episode is so embarrassing... LOL :^D

9:48 AM  

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