Thursday, January 19, 2006

Osama Bin Laden Finds His Non-Capture More Encouraging than Americans’ Doubts about Iraq War


Osama Bin Laden, leader of the Al Qaeda terrorist organization says that his continued freedom after 9/11 has been more encouraging to him personally than doubts expressed by Americans over the Iraq war.

“I know Bush says that lack of support for the war in Iraq hurts his troops morale and encourages us terrorists,” said Bin Laden, “but actually, the fact I’m not in some secret CIA torture prison by now is more of a day brightener for me than his bad poll numbers.”

Speaking from a dank mountain cave along the Afgan-Pakistani border, Bin Laden said he is a little surprised that he still remains free. “Bush seemed so focused on me after the planes I sent took down those towers,” said Bin Laden, “but then he got that Iraq bug up his butt. I’m not complaining, honestly I thought my ass was grass at Tora Bora, but go figure. I could care less how bad things go in Iraq for Bush just as long as he keeps ignoring me. And I should make it to a ripe old age if things continue to heat up in Iran and Syria.”

“Life on the run is not all that much fun,” said Bin Laden, “it seems like, just as you are making one cave your home, you have to move on to the next one. The last spider hole I was in was nice and roomy, I planted some flowers around the secret opening, it looked real nice! But then one of my shit-for-brains lieutenants goes and pisses off the local tribal leader by skimming from his payoffs and we have to move into to this fricking hell hole. I’ve been walking around in bat dung or a week now. Still, when I think of the alternative, having electrodes attached to my scrotum while black op interrogators beat the crap out of me, I shouldn’t complain. I’m free right? I really don’t care how many antiwar protests you Americans hold, as long as I have my freedom, I’ll be one happy terrorist!”

3 Comments:

Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

It's hard to know how important & influential bin Laden is anymore. Is he still "the man," despite the less than luxurious living quarters, is he just another man on the run?

7:32 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

bin Laden is still a pretty potent symbol for his followers I imagine. I can't believe that his remaining free hasn't added some glitter to his crown. This is especially true when Bush made such a big deal out "Dead or Alive".

11:23 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Sadly, Dr. Max, you have hit the nail on the head. W got distracted with Iraq and seems to have completely forgotten about Bin Laden. It's pretty pathetic that he has to remind us of his existence with his latest tape.

12:17 AM  

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