Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Hillary Clinton Says Being the Next Imperial President is Going to be “SA-WEEEET”


New York Democratic Senator and projected 2008 presidential candidate Hilary Clinton says that she can’t wait to become the next imperial president of the United States. “Oh man, I really have to thank Bush and Cheney and all the work they’ve done to give the office of the president such unlimited powers, if I get elected it is going to be sooooo SA-WEEEET!”

Senator Clinton made the comments at the January Women in Politics forum in Washington D.C. “Ladies get ready,” said Clinton,”all our dreams are about to come true, and it will all be thanks to the conservative Republicans! Just think, universal healthcare, quality daycare for working families and lesbian weddings performed in the Rose Garden, Yeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaa! You really have to thank all those Republicans in congress who have spent the last 5 years ceding all their powers to the executive branch, it should make establishing a radical left wing agenda a piece of cake!!”

Senator Clinton also thinks she will have a lot less criticism directed at her than her husband President Bill Clinton experienced. “Jeez, think back to Bill’s last term,” said Senator Clinton, “all these right wing pundits on Fox News nearly had aneurysms over some unpleasantness with a chubby intern. But hell, THEIR guy started a preemptive war with no planning which has cost us brave young lives and untold billions, thinks spying on American citizens is a great idea and couldn’t even break away from vacation to make sure the gulf coast got a proper response after Katrina! Not only do they not criticize him, they think he’s doing a great job! If the bar has lowered that much, I should have smooth sailing for 8 years! And if any of them do get lippy, I’ll just say the policy is important for national security, that should shut them up!”

Senator Clinton said she wishes Bush and Cheney well in their mission to make the presidency even more powerful and secretive in their remaining years in office. “I say go for it boys!” said Clinton. “Really, it’s like they’re working for me now. The more power they consolidate, the more I’ll have my first day! I’ll probably be able to have drugs and prostitution legalized by the time my first inaugural ball starts. Or at least get construction started on those nationwide federally funded drive-thru abortion clinics we liberals have always had our hearts set on!”

5 Comments:

Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

Hey Doc, yer back! I was about to file a missing blogger report on you and take desperate measures like writing a post on your disappearance. Good to see your byline again.

9:14 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Welcome back doc glad to see the breadcrumb thing worked out for ya. I think we can start using the title Queen Hillary right about now. If the current trend continues she will be ruling by fiat on day one. Then again maybe Empress Hillary rolls off the tongue a little smoother. It will probably take a week or two for her to get to Goddess status so we shouldn't rush that.

5:17 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Welcome back, Dr. Max! And Happy New Year. I'm just going to go with fallenmonk's comment. He summed up my feelings very nicely.

2:15 AM  
Blogger sideshow bob said...

If you read the Patriot Act carefully, you'll see that a vote for a Democrat is worth only 3/5 of a vote for a Republican. So we won't have to wory about a Democrat in the White House again.

6:58 AM  
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4:09 PM  

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