Friday, January 27, 2006

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

But Lord, I said, what are those marks near the last set of footprints?

“Ah...uhmm....look, I’ll come clean, the last time I carried you, during your drug addiction, I kinda lost my footing and dropped you. And....well.... it was so wet out there I couldn’t get a good grip on you so I had to drag you for a bit.”

You dragged me Lord?

“Yeah, it was only for a short stretch though, and I got all the candy wrappers and dead crabs out of your hair before I got you up again.”

I see Lord. Well.....thanks for carrying me most of times I was troubled and....

“OK, OK, since I’m laying my cards on the table here, see down the beach, when you were getting your divorce, I dropped you there too. That time I kinda rolled you along with my foot.”

Rolled me?

“Yeah, with my foot, it got the job done and your head only hit a couple of rocks. Look I’m all merciful and I don’t want to hurt your feelings or anything but you might want to mix a salad in every now and then.”

Are you saying I’m fat Heavenly Father? That’s not very kind.

“Kind!? Look pal, you’re talking to the deity who’s had to lug your lard butt down half of this sticking beach. I thought I was gonna get a hernia during your D.U.I! I think I have a right to tell you that maybe you should lay off the fast food and take a walk once and a while.”

I’ve been trying to lose weight....

“PLEASE, this is God you’re talking to! Deciding to forgo a third order of deep fried cheese curds is NOT a diet!”

Oh, my Lord it’s true, I am fat! I feel so low for having deceived you, this is truly a trying period in my life....

“Oh no you don’t......”

But you just said you would carry me when I was troubled.

“For the love of Me, DANG IT, why do I make these promises? CRAP! OK, give me sec......and HEEEEEEEAVE!”

Hey, I like this. It’s nice being carried. Thanks Lord.

“Gad.....oh Myself, did you eat a cow for lunch?! You must have gained 50 pounds from the last feet are going a foot into the sand!”

I’ll let you know when I’m feeling better.

“Keep going with the smart remarks pal and I’ll turn you into a 250 pound salt lick.”


Anonymous Snake (a Cambridge kind of guy) said...

Methinks He doth complain too much. This I believe.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:
Hi doc , nice one.

4:30 AM  
Blogger Grace said...

Gotta admit: I couldn't stand to be god. All that beseeching would turn me vengeful at times. Which of course would only beget more beseeching. Which would beget more vengeance and probably higher insurance premiums for everything, too.

11:38 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Ha! Thanks for this!

4:21 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

I gotta figure out how this guy gets God to carry him in his time of need. For me it is usually just the opposite.
I start feeling low and the first thing you know I stumble across God. There is always some excuse as to why help is needed.
I always relent and reach down take God into my arms. I shouldn't complain though as she only weighs about 120 pounds and she is always very gateful for the hand.

8:17 PM  

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