Monday, January 30, 2006

Bush to Heal Nation

The following is text from George W. Bush’s upcoming State of the Union speech....

My fellow Americans, one of the most important problem facing this great land is the rising cost of health care. These costs, along with the rising numbers in uninsured citizens has reached crisis levels in America. It is time to act. Tonight I am announcing my administration’s Remedy For America Plan. This plan will consist of : A.) Me saying the words “health care” about 50 times in this State of the Union Speech B.) The development of a comprehensive series of half-assed measures that will address none of the basic problems in health care costs C.) Accusing Democrats of having no health care plan in mid-term election ads and through the talking points of our right wing pundits D.) A complete failure to follow through on any of the measures, so it will look like my Mission to Mars in a year's time. (Hold for applause.)

This health care crisis, which really has no impact on me personally since I’m under Chief Executive Blue Cross for the rest of my life, can still be used to score cheap political points while furthering my vision of an ownership society. I want you to own your health care costs, to reduce the burden of these programs on our poor and needy multinational corporations. The rising costs of health care are preventing the C.E.O’s of some of these companies from obtaining personal Gulfstream jets or third vacation homes in Aspen. Surely we can do better than this for our nations super rich and my major campaign contributors! (Hold for a low grumbling)

My staff has worked overtime coming up with tax deductions for health care expenses, health savings accounts and malpractice caps, all with fancy names that sound great on paper but will end up costing most of you middle class folks much more in deductibles. My hope is to again pull the wool over your eyes, to make you think I’m doing something about health care when, actually, all I plan to do is just throw out these lame proposals in this speech. Like my postwar Iraq plan and my emergency response to Katrina, I will again talk a great deal about how I have the answers while doing absolutely nothing to realistically deal with the situation. It is what you have come to expect from my administration.(Duck the rotten tomatoes.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Doc, now I can skip the "address" knowing just what I missed...

6:41 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Everytime they do a popularity poll on him he drops a few points.

Could he possibly gain points after the SotU address? Are people really that gullible?

We will see.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zardoz says:
hi ya doc,
think i burst akidney,
from laughing.

3:08 AM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Hey Zardoz, welcome and thanks for the recent comments. I take it you got your name from that 70's movie where Sean Connery looked like a alternate member of the Village People.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

I wonder if any Secret Service dudes will take a tomato for W?

ps- you got tagged!

7:51 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

"poor and needy multinational corporations"

I can't stop laughing.

8:17 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

I like Dubya's hat...

Too bad there's so much empty space in that puffy hat. :^)

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...




5:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is all very true and very funny. How "W" could have "won" by 3% and call that "a hugh mandate" is still beyond me and yet almost as funny as your piece.

9:03 AM  

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