Friday, December 02, 2005

White House Staffers Worried President Bush Spending Too Much Time in His “Total Recall” Chair


White House officials who refuse to go on record say they are concerned that President George W. Bush is spending too much time in a memory implant chair provided to the White House by Rekall Incorporated. The Rekall chair is designed to provide an individual with false memories of an event, such as a vacation on Mars or a successful war in Iraq.

“We originally got the chair from Rekall after all the grief we got when the President spent that last month in Crawford,” said a White House staffer. “I mean, when Katrina hit and he stayed at the ranch it was a P.R. disaster. So we contacted Rekall and they sent the chair. It allowed the President to go to the ranch without leaving the White House! We loaded the chair’s matrix with lots of brush clearing and fence repair, stuff that makes the President happy. It worked great, he’d get out of the chair and he’d just be beaming.”

“Unfortunately things got out of hand when Iraq news started to get bad,” continued the staffer. “Honestly you don’t want to be around the President when he gets bad news. He nearly tore the head of an aide who put too much mayo on his club sandwich. You can imagine what he’s like after he gets the real numbers on combat ready Iraqi divisions! So we decided to create an alternate Iraq in the chair. It’s just like the real Iraq except there is no insurgency and their are daily parades for our troops.”

“We can’t get the President out of the damn chair now,” said the staffer who requested to remain anonymous. “He prefers the chair's matrix over an honest assessment of conditions on the ground in Iraq. I think the Strategy for Victory speech shows that President Bush may be slightly delusional now. It’s a great plan, it’s just for a war that doesn’t exist in the real world.”

“Our objective now is to turn the damn chair off tell the President that there was a parts failure,” said the staffer."We need to wean him off this thing and get him back to creating false impressions all on his own again.”

8 Comments:

Anonymous Snake said...

I love that picture though blaming Bush's handling of the war on "false memories" may let him off the hook too easily...

7:15 AM  
Blogger fearless leader said...

good one!! enjoy your writing!

-blader

1:48 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Thank you Fearless and welcome. P.S. There is a smell something awful coming off my stuffed squirrel head, what's the deal?

2:41 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Where can I get one of those chairs so I can deal with the mess that this administration has made of this country?

4:01 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

What if...? There was a short circuit on that chair while Dubya was in it? ;^)

4:31 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Thanks for explaining how he manages to say so completely wrong all the time. I was pretty sure it wasn't natural and thought it must the combination of drugs and booze.

7:39 AM  
Blogger sideshow bob said...

I keep waiting for W to break out one of my favorite Homerisms: Everything looks bad if you remember it.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Grace said...

Okay. So what's Cheney's excuse? And I refuse to buy into the "pump head" syndrome that's occasionally floated whenever Cheney claims there's CIA evidence that Saddam purchased Mohammed Atta's 9/11 plane ticket with his own Discover card.

8:14 PM  

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