Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Pagan Priest Says the Celebration of Christmas is Taking the Saturn Out of Saturnalia

Pagan Priest, Yogar of The Glade, says the popular celebration of Christmas has caused people to virtually ignore the much older pagan midwinter festival called Saturnalia. “Ever since the Christian church co-opted December 25th as the day of Christ’s birth early in the fourth century, nary a soul remembers to worship the Roman God Saturn and thank him for the harvest on the winter solstice! They’ve all lost sight of the true meaning of the season” said Yogar.

These Christians are a clever bunch,” continued Yogar as he drank warm grog made from moss and ground deer antler, “since they could not stop the ancient celebrations which marked the solstice and since their Bible designated no clear date they dropped Jesus’ birth right in the middle of our Saturnalia! Now I’m sure Jesus was a cute baby and it’s hard to argue with the whole ‘peace on earth, goodwill to men’ philosophy, but I ask you, what of Saturnalia’s public debauchery and wine fueled orgies? It’s just sad that these Christians care so little for tradition.”

“When I hear of these concerns conservative Christians have today over Christ being taken out of Christmas, I have to smile,” said Yogar. “Hey, excuse me folks but why don’t you get your Savior out of our festival to relight the sun with burning arrows! And while we’re on the subject why don’t you give us back gift giving, tree decorating and kissing under the mistletoe, all which you stole from us pagans!! Doesn’t sound you’d have much of a holiday left without those babies does it?!”

“Oh, but I prattle on,” said Yogar. “Look, I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy a good turkey dinner and some football, or that I refuse to watch ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ if it comes on, I’m just saying you should try to remember that you all have a little pagan in you. I give your Jewish Carpenter his due props, but maybe all of you should also give a little thought to poor old forgotten Saturn. Perhaps, this year, after you follow the pagan inspired tradition of hanging your stockings over the fireplace burning the pagan inspired Yule log for pagan inspired Santa Claus you could find it in your heart to get totally plastered for Saturn. Thanks and Yo Saturnalia!”


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said. It is long since time that Saturnalia had its day--and its due.

5:32 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Great timing! I just got my Christmas/Saturnalia tree. I even have a black cat for underneath. Oops! That was Samhain, wasn't it?

3:35 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Thanks for remembering the true meaning of this season. It is nice to know that everyone has not forgotten the true meaning of this time of year. More of us need to be reminded of source for all of our drunken "Holiday" parties.

11:20 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Thank you for this! I'm tired of these damn Christians taking credit for every damn thing! PLttt! To all you glory-stealing Christians!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

“Hey, excuse me folks but why don’t you get your Savior out of our festival to relight the sun with burning arrows!"

Unless this is covered by the Second Amendment, I'm going to assume this has been outlawed by most municipalities. Just think of the liability insurance premiums.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

Christmas is also taking Bairn out of Bairn's am I supposed to fear the unluckiest day of the year with all this damn merriment going on?

11:00 AM  

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