Thursday, November 03, 2005

What if George W. Bush... Had Been President at the Dawn of the Nuclear Age

In 1939 nuclear scientists including Albert Einstein & Leo Szilard warned President Franklin Roosevelt of the progress German scientist were making with nuclear fission. At their urging Roosevelt set up the Manhattan Project. That One Blog would now like to imagine what would have happened had George W. Bush been our president at this crucial turning point in history....

Albert Einstein: Thank you very much for seeing us today Mr. President. My colleague Leo Szilard and I would like to explain to you the danger we feel is possible if the Nazis develop a “nuclear” weapon before the United States.

President Bush: Say did either of you fellows hear the Charlie McCarthy show last night on the radio? You guys are scientist types, how does that Edgar Bergen do that ventriloquist thing with his voice. I swear, I about laughed myself sick when Mortimer Snerd came on!

Leo Szilard: Mr. President, we must urge that you act swiftly, we feel that since the Germans have achieved nuclear fission, they could develop an atomic bomb. This would be a weapon of such awesome power, they could very well achieve their plans for world domination.

President Bush: I bet you got teased in school, I can’t even figure out how to pronounce your last name, S-Z-I-L-A-R-D....Sizzlelard? Sazilard? How about I just call you Sizzleguy. And Al, I’m gonna call you Socket....cause it looks like you stuck you finger in a socket to get your hair like that, Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Albert Einstein: Ahh.....Mr. President, please, this is very serious. The United States must make nuclear technology development it’s top priority and utilize the best minds available in the country today or I fear the country’s survival is in doubt.

President Bush: Settle down their Mr. Einstein, you’re acting as crazy as your hair. Let me remind you that I am the President of the United States! I think I know best how to defend this great country. I got all the arms dealers who contributed to my campaign busy making bombs with real things like gun powder and stuff. I’m not gonna to let a pair a guys who came over on a boat get my spurs in a twist just because you like to use a bunch a fancy scientopic words that sound like they came out of a Buck Rogers serial! “Atom” bomb? Please, I wasn’t born yesterday y’know.

Leo Szilard: Mr. President, we are just trying to relate the great sense of urgency we feel is necessary! We are dealing with some of the basic laws of the universe here and..

President Bush: Hold on their son, the only basic laws I need to know are in the Good Book! That’s just like you scientist types, using all your facts and figures to deny the real truth that lies in the Bible and the grand intelligent design brought about by our Higher Father. I don’t recall him saying anything about any atoms, fissures or radiators! And I ain’t going to be using the taxpayers money to spend willy-nilly on some imaginary codswallop! Hell, next thing you’ll tell me is we shouldn’t drill for oil because it smokes up the air too much! I got a lot of work to do here boys, I appreciate you coming in and all. Here, take some White House pens with you.

Albert Einstein: But Mr. President please!

Leo Szilard: President Bush, you must listen...

President Bush: I said GOOD DAY gentleman!

(Einstein and Szilard are escorted out)

President Bush: Boy howdy, what a couple of nerds. Ding dang it, they almost made me miss Jack Benny!

President Bush later presided at the surrender ceremonies of the eastern United States to Germany and the western United States to Japan. He spend the remainder of his life in exile as guest of the Saudi royal family.


Blogger OldRoses said...

And wasn't he the one who introduced camel rodeo?

10:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Doc, good to see you back in the saddle, so to speak. The title alone of your post says it all. No place for a trigger-happy tenderfoot, if'n yer askin' fer my 2-cents worth.

6:45 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...


*Goes off running and hides under her bed...*

4:26 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

I wake up surprised every morning that he hasn't caused a nuclear war with some country.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

...and now I know the rest of the story.

9:27 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Well've pretty much captured one of my nightmares. Think about the possibility of something equally as profound as the dawn of the "nukular" age coming up in the next 3 years and how Bunnypants will handle it.

12:44 PM  

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