Monday, November 14, 2005

Bush Scolds Democrats for Attacks on His Delusions

President Bush today accused Democrats of attacking his administration's delusions, which were instrumental in getting our country into the war in Iraq. The president continued his effort to rebuild his image today by scolding Democrats for using truth and facts to rewrite imaginary history.

Speaking before a meeting of the Conservative Americans for Presidential Photo Ops, the president said that it was unfair of Democrats to be using the war in Iraq for political gain. “Hey, that’s our department! Only us Republicans have permission to use this war for politics,” said President Bush. “Hello? Doesn’t anybody remember me flyin' in on that aircraft carrier in that cool suit? And excuse me Democrats, but our neocons came up with this cockamamy scheme and it was my administration that had to burn the midnight oil to manipulate the intelligence and present to the American people all the information we felt would scare the crap out of them. It worked didn't it? Don’t be saying now that our lies were bad just because we have no exit strategy!”

The President said that Democratic partisan attacks upon his administration’s deceptions are, in his mind, even more damaging to our troops than the complete and utter lack of any post invasion planning. “I am convinced our enemies take great comfort when anyone questions my Defense Department’s ham handed efforts after the initial march to Baghdad,” said the president. “So we had no idea what the hell we were doing when we got there! So we expected parades and got an insurgency! What good does it do to point that out all the time? I mean if I were a brave National Guardsman in Iraq doing my duty, I’d feel bad enough being led by a Commander in Chief who wasn't interested enough to finish his own Guard commitments, let alone having to listen to a lot of whining about how the WMD’s we said were there, in fact, never existed. Doesn’t anyone care about our troops anymore?”

President Bush said he would continue to present his own delusionary vision to the American people, no matter how low his poll numbers dropped. “I think my multi-city tour to overhaul Social Security shows that reality doesn’t interest me anymore, “ said Bush. “I prefer to believe in the alternate universe we created in the lead up to war. It’s a magic land beyond the moon and past the stars. I’m still a beloved leader there, everybody still respects me! They’ve named parks and schools all over Iraq after me! Also there are lollipop trees, chocolate clouds and all Democrats are in our secret torture prisons!”


Blogger fallenmonk said...

The good thing is that it looks like less and less of the country are buying in to the delusions. The sad thing is that that there are still 37% that do. I am not eager to see what it will take to lose those as well.

4:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is excellent. Exactly what I would have said, only you put it better.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got "off message" in the last comment; didn't stick to the talking points. (Note to myself: Stick to the talking points.) What I meant to say was this: You stole my idea and did it brilliantly! Not that I ever wrote up this idea. Or told anyone about it. But I still planned to do it until you beat me to the punch. I guess I'd better find something else to write about. Any suggestions?

9:19 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...


2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a brilliant idea. Why don't I write about milk? Hey, wait a minute. I just wrote about milk. (Actually I write about milk often.) And you just stole another idea from me. Now cut that out...

5:31 PM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

They’ve named parks and schools all over Iraq after me!

Yes, and first-born sons. There's going to be a bumper crop of Dubya Ahmad al-Tikriti's in kindergartens in 3 or 4 years. Freshly painted kindergartens, too, I might add.

9:18 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

I loved the "udder lack of post invasion planning". The bovine imagery is quite creative. Or did you mean "utter"?

1:15 AM  
Blogger DrMax said...

This is what happens when you blog when you're tired Roses. I do run spell checks, but I have a real talent for defeating them.

2:00 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Of course you're tired. You have a wonderful new daughter! I'm sure she's much more fun than blogging.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Wait! Do you hear that? That is the sound of millions of Americans finally pulling their heads out of their asses.

8:14 PM  

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