Tuesday, October 04, 2005

President Bush Nominates White House Pizza Delivery Guy to Head FDA

Continuing a practice of nominating individuals with little to no experience but who he likes personally, President Bush today nominated Frank Dupre, a Domino’s pizza delivery man, to head the Food and Drug Administration. Dupre’s delivery area has included the White House for several years. Dupre, who is currently attending Maryland Heights Community College, called his nomination, “righteous!”

In announcing the nomination Bush said that Dupre has shown a true concern for food safety when delivering pizzas to the White House. “Frank always gets the pizza’s here in 30 minutes or less,” said President Bush, “and he always uses a heat box, so it tastes fresh from the oven. I tend to order regular Mountain Dew on the phone, but Frank always substitutes diet Dew, because he knows I like to keep in shape. We josh around about baseball and college life when he comes in to get paid. I think our nation’s food supply will be in excellent hands!”

Dupre said he is prepared to head the FDA. “Oh man, the President, like, told me how much I’d be making, and dude, it beats my best week ever at Dominos, even with tips,” said Dupre. “I know a lot about meat and cheese and junk from making all those two for one specials. I better not get into how much I know about drugs, let’s just say I’m a normal college student, y’know what I’m saying? The Bushman did right by me, and I’m gonna do right by him, I’ll be all like, professional and shit. I’m even gonna wear a suit!”

Bush intends to fill several other federal vacancies with personal acquaintances. He is in talks with his cable installer to head the FCC, his personal trainer to take over the Center for Disease Control and the guy who makes his cowboy boots to become Secretary of the Department of Agriculture.


Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

Damn! I knew I should've stayed in pizza delivery!

5:06 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...


Maybe he'll nominate his cleaning lady to the Health department. :^D

Great post DrMax!

9:19 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

I can't wait to hear how much he makes in tips as head of the FDA.

10:51 PM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

The scary thing is that Mr. Dupre would, in fact, probably do a better job than the guy that is actually running the FDA. He would probably take the job seriously.
Good post Doc.

5:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is good news. My only question is this: Why isn't this guy heading the Supreme Court instead of that Roberts fellow?

8:02 PM  
Blogger Alec Wysoker said...

Wasn't pizza delivery a factor in Monicagate?

5:59 AM  

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