Monday, October 17, 2005

Cerumenex May Not Be For Everyone

Like fine wine, old posts age to perfection. Today's post is vintage 6/9/05, enjoy

The Cerumenex Patch is manufactured by Tentacumed Pharmaceuticals. The Cerumenex Patch is to be used by those suffering from E.E.W.B.S., Excessive Ear Wax Buildup Syndrome, a term our guys in marketing made up to so you’ll ask your doctor to prescribe it rather than buying Q-Tips. Our advertising is geared to make you think this condition is common when all our studies (which we will never show anyone unless forced to by a lawsuit) show it is actually quite rare.

The Cerumenex Patch is to be placed on a shaved area of the skull. The highly concentrated drugs and hormones may cause a burning sensation or actual flames. Those with high blood pressure, kidney disease, asthma or who have a liver should not take Cerumenex. In rare cases the Patch was shown to cause, anal bleeding, liquefaction of the lungs, explosion of the bladder and a slight bumpy rash.....that will destroy all skin affected in 3 days. See your doctor if any of these side effects occur.

Women who are pregnant, who may become pregnant, who don’t give much thought to pregnancy, have formerly been pregnant, or who have seen someone who is pregnant should not be within 48 feet of anyone with the Cerumenex Patch. You do not want to see the kid that pops out if that happens, seriously.

In some cases the Cerumenex Patch may cause the mild to moderate destruction of the an entire city block’s population. Flee to a fall out shelter or protected underpass if Cerumenex exposure starts to kill over 40 percent of the people in your neighborhood. If you are wearing the Cerumenex Patch and are still alive, chances are you’ll be fine. Leave all close relatives immediately however, as continued exposure will almost certainly cause death like symptoms in them, including death. And you’ll forever blame yourself knowing everyone you ever loved is gone, just because you had waxy ears. Good luck living with that.

The Cerumenex Patch comes in tan or clear for sensitive skin.



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