Thursday, September 08, 2005

President Bush Revealed to be Actor Posing as President for Reality TV Show

The man believed to be President Bush for the last five years revealed today that he is in fact an actor named Trace Warnerton and was posing as President for a new Fox reality series, Our Lazy Ignorant Obnoxious Commander in Chief. Bush/Warnerton said he could no longer go on with the charade after the disaster response to hurricane Katrina last week.

Warnerton said he was hired to fool the country by acting as a spoiled and ignorant Commander in Chief. “It was set up so I would do these outlandish things as 'President' and we’d film the reaction of the nation,” said Warnerton. “The writers had me start a war in a country which did not contain Osama bin Laden, give tax cuts to the rich during war time and then do this bizarre cross country tour for Social Security cuts nobody asked for. I mean we were sure citizens would be coming to town with torches to get me out of the White House”

What we didn’t plan on was September 11th,” Warnerton said. “Christ, after that, I could do no wrong....the writers tried their best to make citizens turn on me, the Patriot Act, opening up wilderness areas to oil drilling, sweetheart deals for the Vice President’s former company, but nothing seemed to work. God, they even reelected me after we did that ear transmitter sketch during the debates....go figure.”

“I just couldn’t go on with it anymore after this past week,” said Warnerton. “I was going to get five million dollars if I made it through my second term as ‘President’, but I just couldn’t, not after I saw those pictures from New Orleans and the other gulf states. The writers thought that by ignoring the disaster and continuing my vacation, they would finally get the reaction shots from the nation they were looking for. But, real lives were at stake here, I was ashamed of myself at the end of the week. Imagine what I’d be feeling if I was the real President!”

Warnerton said he is not sure what he’ll do now that he is no longer the pretend President. “It’s not a bad life, they take care of you in the White House,” he said. “I think I’ll take a couple of weeks off, my agent has me up for a Lifetime movie, we’ll see. Oh, I almost forgot, somebody better tell Gore he won fair and square in 2000, I guess he’s President now, or Kerry is, I don’t know. I’ll let them figure it out.”



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Give that guy an Emmy and remove him from office, along with his Emmy-winning support cast. This I believe.

6:14 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Oh my! I hope they are not considering syndication. I think we need to have some review of the management of central casting they have obviously confused the mission statement.

P.S. Thanks for the Birthday wishes. Don't ask me why I am up at this time of the morning in Tokyo. The old biological clock is resisting the 13 hour time change...big time.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

You'd think that this would have to be some whacky scheme for ratings. Maybe the news companies are behind it all. They needed stuff to report. They got tired of the near decade of no exciting news except that everyone was making money and that wages were going up and people were getting great benefits. That gets boring after awhile. Yeah, I bet they conspired to put a dipshit in office that would give them some oomph in their broadcasts.

6:59 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

OH . . . MY . . . GOD . . . The title of this post alone is priceless. Dr. Max, you are a genius.

10:43 PM  
Blogger TC Byrd said...

Damn you, Old Roses! I was going to say, "You, my friend, are a sick genius."

1:32 AM  
Blogger Herge Smith said...

So was Trace playing the man George Bush, or was George Bush purely a fictional creation cooked up in a comedy lab?

I know which one my money is on.

2:28 AM  

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