Tuesday, September 06, 2005

President Bush Regrets Appointment of Old College Roommate to Hurricane Board

President Bush stated today that he regrets having appointed his old college roommate, William “Stoner” McPhee, as head of the National Hurricane Board. “Stoner” McPhee was named to head the agency not long after Bush’s reelection in November of 2004.

Mr. McPhee has come under criticism for the lack of preparation for and response to Hurricane Katrina. In a press conference days after the hurricane McPhee said, “Oh man, like, what day did that hit again? Monday? Oh wow...bummer man. Those hurricanes can be mega-wicked, I should call some people, dude.” McPhee later fell asleep at the podium.

President Bush said McPhee was an old friend, and he wanted to give him a break by appointing him to head the Hurricane Board. “Oh man, ol' Stoner and I really lit em up back in...I mean we really had some fun back in the old days,” said Bush. “He's such a nice guy, I think he was selling novelty items on the Internet, t-shirts, hats, bongs, that type of thing. I felt we needed someone with his real world experience to head the Board, instead of treating it like another bureaucratic office. Up to now he’d been doing a fine job, but Katrina really didn’t work out so well. I was going to talk to him, but his cell phone was cut off for nonpayment.”

Maggie Dunston, vice chair on the Hurricane Board said that she and other members have been disappointed by McPhee’s job performance. “Actually, job performance is putting it kindly, he hasn’t shown up for work in about a month and a half,” said Dunston. "When he was here, he would sit in his office, eat cheese doodles and play on the computer most of the morning. He would then leave for lunch and not come back! We really began to question his qualifications for emergency management.”

Bush will likely replace McPhee with another of his college friends, this time a fraternity brother. He is expected to name Dale “Kegger” Phillips to the post on Friday.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

With qualifications like that, Stoner is qualified to become the next President of the United States.

5:24 AM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

Frankly, he might be overqualified...will he produce the inspirational feelings of disgust that we have come to expect when we lay eyes on our leader?

4:00 PM  
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