Saturday, September 10, 2005

Conservatives Want Nation’s Infants to Start Getting Serious About This Debt

Conservative watchdog groups have joined forces to call upon the infant population of the United States to begin addressing the serious national debt. Conservatives say they believe the responsibility of paying off the debt is exclusively on these baby’s tiny shoulders.

Wayne Kelprine, of the conservative tax watch dog group, It’s My Money-Mine, Mine, Mine! voiced the concerns of many of these groups. “The cost of recovery from hurricane Katrina is going to be astronomical,” said Kelprine, “all these babies are going to have start making some sacrifices along with all that poop!. As you know our generation is the first to accept absolutely no responsibility for any costs involved with the War in Iraq, vital infrastructure maintenance or improvements to national security. That’s just not our thing. We’ve shifted all that responsibility to these babies, so they’d better stop drooling and cooing and get their powdered little behinds in gear!”

Kelprine said he was disappointed by the Presidents response to Katrina. “Jesus Christ, talk about over reaction,” said Kelprine. “What the hell is the President doing using tax payer money to fly down the scene of a national disaster four days late, when he should be addressing the more vital task of eliminating the estate tax? Is he some kind of baby lover? Where is this guy’s priorities? If he gets the nation’s sympathies up, people might start accepting small tax hikes so that all generations take part in making sacrifices that will keep our country financially strong. It’s madness I tell you! Let these damn babies pay for it all!”

Kelprine believes babies often use their inherent cuteness to get out of paying for the debt. “Oh these infants know how to use those big eyes and innocence to shirk their duties as Americans,” said Kelprine. “They get their parents all bamboozled and before you know it they’re not asked to do a thing for themselves, let alone pay for anything. Hell, half of them don’t even bother to feed themselves. Look I own two SUV’s, have you seen gas prices? I think the least these bundles of joy can do is cover my tax burden so I can buy a trailer for my cabin cruiser!”

Nathan Richards, a thirteen month old child from Maryland, thinks Kelprine’s generation refusing to accept responsibility for it’s share of the debt is unfair. “Buss....brrrrrrrmmmmm, wooobie bus,” said Richards. “Eeeeeeeeoop glllllgggllllll. Mama mama mama..urp.”



Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is funny, Doc, and well done, as usual. But it is scary to think of the debt those little ones will soon inherit. Their futures are bleak indeed.

7:33 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Not only do babies not take responsibility for paying our debts, they actually expect us to pay their college tuitions! They really have nerve. I'm glad to see that something is finally being done about it.

8:03 PM  

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