Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Cato Institute Relocates Headquarters to Superdome


The Cato Institute, a public policy research foundation, has moved it’s headquarters from Washington DC to the Superdome in New Orleans Louisiana. The Institute, which seeks to promote the ideals of limited government, individual liberty and free markets, feel the Superdome has come to symbolize what can happen when these principles become more accepted in America.

“The response to hurricane Katrina is really just a taste of what we can expect if our goals are more fully embraced in this country, “ said Dr. Steven Candlebary a director of policy promotion for the Cato Institute. “We wanted to move into this magnificent edifice as soon as possible, it has so come to symbolize what we feel is the proper role of government: that of an ineffectual and dysfunctional agent which no one can rely on. When we saw all the people outside here a few weeks ago, begging for food, water and rescue, it was what we at Cato had so long dreamed of for this country! What finer place than here to continue our campaign to promote less generational responsibility for all Americans?”

Candlebary said that moving into the Superdome was not a problem. “We have so many contacts within the administration and Republican controlled congress that we hardly had to lift a finger, “ said Candlebary. “We’ve had FEMA and the National Guard to help us with the boxes, and the Department of Homeland Security helicopters have been a big help with commuting. Now, a lot of folks would be squeamish about the conditions in here, the lack of air conditioning, the stench from the bathrooms which still have no running water, and the occasional bloated corpse that pops up, but we LOVE it. As we like to say at Cato, ‘Every man and his wallet for himself’, government has no business getting in the way of nature killing it’s citizens!”

Candlebary said the Cato Institute is excited to see Karl Rove as the head of recovery efforts in the gulf. “Karl is our kinda guy,” said Candlebary, “he knows that this disaster is an unequaled opportunity to push our selfish agenda forward. The more we spend on the Republican donor’s companies to rebuild this area, the more we can push for Social Security private accounts, less farm subsidies, and the elimination of Medicare! It’s really a win, win all around......well, except for all the dead people. But you can’t make an omelet unless you crack a few eggs, am I right?”

“I have a dream,“ said Candlebary. “I think this is the dawn of a new age in this country. Soon the federal government will exist no more, we chosen few will rule as befits our wealth and station in society, enjoying the luxuries that are denied us at present because of the tax money we have to pay in. The rest of the country will live outside our golden palaces, like this beautiful Superdome. They will fight amongst themselves for the few dogs and cats that will soon be the only source of meat, unless they want to go the Soylent Green route. We can make it happen if we all work hard enough!”

The Cato Institute is a nonprofit, tax exempt educational institute.

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3 Comments:

Blogger fallenmonk said...

Bit snarky today are we? Good post. Cheered me up. Thanks.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Grace said...

You know, the reverse sewer system ("Pipe the sh*t right into your home!") of NOLA does seem a fitting metaphor for the country these days.

Do we know if any eminent domain actions were pursued in building the SuperDome -- 'cause that would make it just too perfect for Cato.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Snake said...

Woa! I thought that Dick Cheney was overseeing the recovery effort. Is it, in fact, Karl Rove? Or does Rove pull Cheney's strings at the same time he pulls Bush's? I can see an efficiency advantage in having him (Rove) do both.

10:35 AM  

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