Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A Turd Blossoms in Baghdad


There has been only one question on the lips of Washington DC insiders this month. Where is Karl Rove? After several months of bad publicity regarding the White House leak of a CIA operative, Rove had vanished from the public scene. Until today that is, when he agreed to an interview from his new office in the Green Zone of Baghdad. “I guess I can make it official, “ said Rove, “you are talking to the new head of P.R. for the America’s Operation Liberty.”

Rove was assigned his new position by President Bush himself. “The President took me aside and explained since no new reelection was in his future, he needed me to use my skills to help us win the battle of publicity in Iraq,” said Rove. “With the car bombs, the insurgency and lack of running water and regular electric power, America’s image has taken quite a hit in Iraq. The President thought that since I was able to sell enough voters on an administration like his, I was the obvious choice to sell this war and the new constitution to Iraqis. It’s a challenge, but I love a challenge, “ Rove said.

Rove explained how he would approach his new P.R. mission. “Well first off, we’ve been initiating a whisper campaign against Abu Mussab al-Zarqawi," Rove said, “y’know where we have our fake pollster ask a Sunni if they’d still support al-Zarqawi if they knew he was gay, and was once a CIA operative working for the US. Then we’ll Swift-Boat him, I’m filming the ad as we speak. I’ve got some Iraqi army recruits rounded up to play former members of his cell, and I’ve got them saying how Zarqawi always wanted women not wear head coverings and have equal rights. I’ve also got them saying they remember how much their ‘old buddy Mussab’ always enjoyed getting liquored up, going to movies and dancing. I tell ya, they’ll have that guy strung up in a week!”

When asked if he thought perhaps the President assigned him to Iraq to remove a potential political embarrassment from his administration, Rove laughed. “Oh please, that’s just more liberal media smear,” he said. ”The President told me he had total confidence in me before I left. He told me to get out and meet the good folks here in Iraq in person. He insisted I go out everyday, without an armed escort, so I can get the real story of reconstruction ignored by the New York Times! Granted, I have had a hard time getting back in touch with the President, but the White House assured me it was just because he’s been at the ranch all month. What can you do? The communications in that part of Texas is more primitive than here in Baghdad. Pity too, because I had some really great character assassination tips for them regarding Sheehan.”

Rove said he will remain in his post until the mission is accomplished or he is indicted. “I really believe I am doing a valuable service for my country here,” Rove said, “but if called back to face charges I will most certainly flee to a non-extridition country where I have access to my Swiss bank accounts. Wait, I mean I’ll return to the US!!! Yeah, I’ll come right back! Can you edit out what I said the first time?”

3 Comments:

Anonymous Snake said...

Iraq is a dangerous place these days, but if I'd want anyone to have that perilous position, it'd be old T.B.

4:19 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Hmm. Hard to reach the Prez, hunh? I smell a rat... No make that two. :^D

5:43 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Sounds like the perfect assignment for him. Has anyone suggested hitchhiking as the perfect way to get around Iraq?

2:35 AM  

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