Monday, August 15, 2005

Paula Abdul Cleared in Probe, Fans With No Lives Rejoice

Fans with no apparent lives celebrated the news that Paula Abdul, a popular judge on American Idol, was cleared of charges that she had an affair with one of the show’s contestants. Confirming their status as losers, some actually wept with joy when it was revealed she will remain on the show.

Burt Nelson, a long time fan of Idol, said he stayed home from work and celebrated the news of Abdul’s acquittal. “Our long national nightmare is finally over, “ said the 38 year old customer service representative for a windshield replacement firm. “I like to call her ‘My Paula.’ She is now and will always be the best judge on American Idol as far as I’m concerned.” Nelson, a bachelor currently living in an apartment above his grandmother’s garage said, “Has Simon ever been in a music video? I don’t THINK so. Paula understands the performers because she is one.” When asked if he should perhaps be more concerned about terrorist cells like those that attacked London, Nelson said, “Who attacked what now?”

Amber Jasmine, a 48 year old manicurist from New Jersey said, “Oh thank God Paula will be back, I was having a hard time sleeping. I needed all my collectable dollies in bed with me, just to get a decent night’s sleep. Mrs. Baskins, my favorite porcelain dolly, told me every night, that Paula would come through all this, but I had my doubts. Well Mrs. Baskins was right!” Jasmine was asked if she thought the Abdul investigation had any similarities to the current probe into who leaked a covert CIA operatives identity in Washington. “Well I don’t watch 24, I like the reality programs more than dramas. Besides, those violent shows scare Mrs. Baskins.”

Experts don’t think the Abdul probe will effect viewership for American Idol. “People with no lives clearly love the show,” said Dr Larry Blake, of Columbia School of Television. “Their lack of distraction from personal relationships or interest in the world around them allows for an unhealthy focus on a scripted reality show. I guess if it gives these poor souls some solace it’s almost worth the price the rest of us pay in having to listen to Clay Aiken.”


Anonymous Snake said...

Wow! I had no idea that Paula came so close to getting bounced off the show. The truth is, I've never seen the show and probably never will watch it. Nevertheless, it is a great comfort for me to hear that she will remain with the show. And the fact that she might have had an affair with a contestant doesn't bother me in the slightest. How else can she judge them?

9:28 PM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...


I guess we get this show here, in the Great White North but I hardly watch television anymore, it just plain bores me to death. And this is not a show I would religiously watch either. Last show I was really deeply into was Buffy the Vampire Slayer and that was right up to the fifth season then it started to go weird and bad, the quality that had attracted me in the first place just wasn't there.

It is strange, is it not, how very much some people care for these things. Like for the Michael Jackson trial(s) people camping outside of the courthouse or spending their days there, waiting to catch a glimpse the MoonWalker. All in the name of showing support. Heh.

Ouh. I am such a cynic...

Great post DrMax. As always. *thumbs up*

1:34 AM  

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