Thursday, August 18, 2005

Never Fill Out an eHarmony Questionnaire When You’re Drunk


Word of warning ladies, you may want to steer clear of eHarmony’s Relationship Questionnaire when you’re drunk.

This all started a month ago when Michelle and Stacey from the third floor convinced me to join them for a girl’s night out. Now I’m not usually one to drink too much, but El Tacorita was having half off specials on margaritas. Let’s just say I took advantage of the special. So the girls (laughing at me the whole time) call for a cab and give the driver the address to my apartment building, and throw me in.

It was still kind of early when I got back so I get on the laptop and start surfing. Suddenly one of those eHarmony ads comes on the TV. Well I see all these happy couples and the tears start flowing. Damnit, here I am, a career girl, pretty successful, but I’ve never been able to find that special someone. Don’t I deserve to be happy like the eHarmony couples? I open a bottle of wine (big mistake) and head over to eHarmony’s site. Things get very fuzzy after that, I remember dozing off, TV still on.....anyway the next day, because of the massive hangover, I forget all about the night before.

A few days later I’m going through e-mail and see this Personality Profile from eHarmony. What the? Of course at this point I just should have deleted the damn thing and gone on with my life, but no, I’m intrigued. They tell me the they can run this through the Compatibility Matching System and find that special individual that meets the 29 crucial dimensions for a successful relationship. So, long story short, I send the form in and they send me an e-mail address for Dale.

Now Dale seemed real nice when we chatted on line. Also when I talked to him on the phone. The only problem was when we finally met for a date at a local club, he came dressed as a Klingon from the original 60’s Star Trek series. He was NOT a Romulan! Trust me he went on and on about it. Although he seemed like a sweet guy, after listening to a half hour of how Doctor Who paled in comparison to Start Trek, I was ready to tunnel out through the dance floor with my dinner spoon. I told him I wasn’t feeling well and while he offered to perform a Klingon ritual of healing, I told him it was probably best if I go home. The last I saw of him he was showing some girls at the bar his Klingon fighting blade.

I don’t blame eHarmony, it was my own fault. I guess I should have looked at my survey more closely to see just what the hell I put in there. I’ve been thinking of trying again, sober this time, but the thought of Dale makes me shudder and I lose my courage. Christ, if I did another questionnaire and the guy showed up in a Ferengi outfit, I’d have to throw in the towel and become a lesbian.

4 Comments:

Blogger MacHeadCase said...

So the moral of this story is don't drink and survey. :^D

7:04 AM  
Anonymous Snake said...

Thanks for the cautionary tale, Doc. I must confess this gender-bending saga has really thrown me for a loop.

7:42 AM  
Blogger TC Byrd said...

Don't I know it! I once came to with my inbox full of replies to a survey I did not remember filling out. Apparently, my drunken mind wants to be chained up and humiliated. Ah, the things our sober minds don't want to admit.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Oh, that's a toss up I think. Dr. Who and Star Trek were two very different shows. Hard to compare.

10:57 AM  

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