Friday, August 19, 2005

Microsoft Introduces Dispos-a-Drives to Combat Worms and Viruses


Microsoft Corporation today unveiled a new product designed to help in their never ending battle against Windows worms and viruses. Dispos-a-Drives are cartridge computer hard drives designed for short time use. They can quickly be installed into a system bay and then removed once they become crippled with the latest spyware or worm. Microsoft said that each drive in the pack will come with a "worksforaday" logo which is proof the drive has been tested to be worm free for least 24 hours. Dispos-a-Drives come in 10, 20 and economy 50 packs.

Brad Stepford, product spokesman for Microsoft said the new drives are essential in keeping the modern Windows system running. “Look, why invest all that money in an expensive and permanent internal hard drive when it will soon be rendered useless by a worm like Zotob or it’s variants?” asked Stepford. “With Dispos-a-Drives you can throw away the infected drive, pop in a new one and be up and running in seconds! Of course all the data you’ve saved is lost, but we’re betting customers will get pretty skilled at recreating all their work, what with the all drives they’ll be going through. Plus we offer, at no extra charge, our new Data Safe storage system. It consists of a pencil and a pad of paper, where the user can write down all the vital data they want to maintain from drive to drive. We guarantee that the Data Safe pad will be free of any worm or viruses!”

Stepford said the new Dispos-a-Drives will be very cheap. “Since they won’t be running for long, we've given them a suggested retail price of about five dollars per drive. Of course for them to work successfully we’ll need to load each one with a full Windows operating system, which at present costs between one hundred to two hundred dollars depending on if you choose XP Home or Professional. We of course will give the customers a price break and charge their credit cards the full license price only after they go through ten drives! It’s a heck of a deal!”

When asked if perhaps Microsoft engineers should have spent their time fixing the gaping security holes in the Windows operating system rather than designing cheap hard drives as a work around, Stepford said, “Ahhhhhhh.....” When asked if the company’s size was causing internal political battles which hampered the engineering of a modern and safer OS, Stepford said, “Geez, would you LOOK at the time, Igottago!” He was then spotted sprinting to his silver Lexus in the parking lot.

7 Comments:

Blogger MacHeadCase said...

OMG! DrMax you have an exclusive! We need to get this article on CNET, InfoWeek and eWeek.

LOL Great piece as usual! Your blog is now my official day opener, I read you first to have plenty of laughs then I get on with my day! This is great! Thanks!

6:41 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

That sounds like those theiving bastards.

10:53 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Hey Doc,
We might have an opening in product development. It looks like you have the "clearness of vision" necessary. I have already sent in a suggestion to Stepford that they preload a times virus as well to insure no one uses the drive for more than 24 hours.

6:16 AM  
Anonymous Snake said...

I'm glad to see you use the word "geez" liberally. We don't see enough of that word in print anymore, though I think it is still widely used in spoken communications. What's your sense? Shall we stage a campaign to revive "geeze," or is that unnecessary at this point in time--as opposed to another point in time, which might not be a "point" at all, but rather a straight line (or some other one-dimensional construct), when viewed through an extra dimension.

8:48 AM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Geez Snake you're right. Gee Willikers, we should get on that. Not enough people use out of date idioms in print anymore, by gum! Goodness gracious gravey, it's a down right shame.

10:37 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

Holy moly! You're right, by golly.

1:10 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

Brilliant idea! I especially like the backup option.

10:13 PM  

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