Friday, August 05, 2005

Mathematical Physicist’s Knowledge of Pitt-Jolie-Aniston Affair, Pathetic


Edward Witten, a mathematical physicist who has been described as the successor to Einstein and the world’s greatest living physicist, recently embarrassed colleges at the Institute of Advanced Study with his pathetic grasp of gossip about Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston.

Witten, famous for M-theory, in which he showed the 5 existing models of string theory were merely different descriptions of a single overriding theory of everything, asked fellow researchers at his lunch table what “Friends” was. Dr. James Larks, Ph.D. in mathematics said, “Can you believe it? Mr. Superstrings didn’t even know Angelina Jolie played Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. Hey Ed, time to take a break from the numbers and pick up a People magazine pal.”

Dr. Wendy Dupeer, a specialist in particle physics also was surprised by Witten’s ignorance regarding Fight Club. “Hello, Earth to Ed. He didn’t know any of the rules of Fight Club, let alone that Brad Pitt starred in it! So we start, like, quizzing him while he’s eating his vending machine ice cream bar. No, he never heard that Pitt and Aniston were married. No, he didn’t know that Maddox was now calling Pitt ‘Daddy.’ Ditto on the fact that Jolie just adopted for the second time. And, get this, he was totally clueless about Jennifer using holistic exercise to get in shape for her Vanity Fair shoot!”

Dr. Larks said the stunning lack of basic celebrity knowledge is not uncommon in geniuses. “It’s fairly well known that Einstein thought “Garbo” was the name of a kitchen cleanser. Sure, Ed coming up with the principle of dualism in M-theory was a masterstroke, but once in a while the guy should stop, sit back and appreciate the wonders of the universe that are Angelina Jolie’s boobs.”

3 Comments:

Anonymous Snake said...

I have talked to Witten on several occasions and while he is clearly savvy on physics matters--and quite possibly a genius, as people say--he did seem to be out of it so far as pop culture is concerned.

3:44 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

I thought the "Wonders of the Universe" were Angelina Jolie's lips. How much bigger do you think they are going to get?

7:25 AM  
Blogger Herge Smith said...

Bloody Brain boxes - At least Steveo Hawkins knows the cool value of an ipod - I mean he practically is one...

6:16 AM  

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