Monday, August 01, 2005

John Bolton’s Mustache To be Appointed U.N. Ambassador

President Bush announced today that he would make a recess appointment, without Congressional approval, of John Bolton’s mustache. After questions about Bolton’s previous behavior prevented his Senate confirmation, Bush decided he would appoint only the bushy white mustache of the former Undersecretary of State for Arms Control.

White House officials said that they had no choice but to appoint Bolton’s mustache. “This is a critical time in the world and we cannot allow the U.N. ambassadorship remain vacant,” said White House diplomatic spokesman, Neil Felspar. “If, because of partisan politics, we cannot get Bolton himself confirmed, there is no other option but to appoint his mustache while congress is out of session. Remember it was Bolton’s mouth that said ‘There is no such thing as the United Nations. The Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories. If it lost ten stories, it wouldn’t make a difference.’ It was not his mustache.”

Democratic leaders were disappointed in the recess appointment of Bolton’s facial hair. “This is the hubris of this administration, “ said Democratic Senator Truman Hardgrove of Delaware, “if they don’t get the nominee they want, they just go ahead and appoint one of the nominee’s facial features! While Bolton’s mustache is indeed a grand, walrusy affair, we don’t believe it has the experience needed to be ambassador. Remember what happened when Nixon first appointed George Herbert Walker Bush’s left eyebrow to the U.N. post. The confusion that ensued really impacted the United State’s standing in the world. It forced Nixon to reluctantly appoint Bush himself within a week.”


Blogger OldRoses said...

That mustache has been driving me crazy. I can't believe that it will be representing us at the UN.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Bush could get a recess appointment himself. I'm talking about a permanent recess. He could go out to his ranch this month, as planned, & not come back.

8:46 PM  

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