Friday, August 12, 2005

Having a Great Time at the Ranch


Boy it’s great to be back at the ranch! I tell ya, I like the White House and all, but ol' DC is stuffed shirt city! It does me a world of good to get back to Crawford. A President needs to get out of that damn beltway from time to time and get back amongst the common folks! Excluding that Sheehan broad of course.


Crafts time! Here we are all working on some leather lanyards for our iPods. That Karen Hughes is a wonder, she can make, like, 10 lanyards in a half-hour, you should see her fingers go! I guess she got a lot of training typing out all those press releases that make me sound so caring and smart. (By the way, look at Condi, she fell for my ol’ whoopee cushion under the seat gag again, HA HA HA HA. It sounded like the Secretary of State farted, AH HA HA HA HA....oh for fun...I LOVE my vacations!)

Here at “Western White House” I get to ride my new bike whenever I want! Whoo EEE, you should see those secret service guys trying to keep up with me! The great thing is they gotta put their bodies between me and the ground or a tree whenever I do my weekly header!

Here I am announcing the lineup for our annual Bush Administration Lawn Jarts Tournament! Look, this is our tradition, it ticks me off the liberal weenies and trial lawyers have made it almost impossible to buy the damn things anymore. I mean, so what if Scott McClellan took one through his thigh last year. I apologized! God, can’t anyone take a joke anymore? (Hey, look at the guy on the left, with the dark suit coat. Doesn’t it look like he has to pee? Hee hee hee hee.)

Time for Skit Nite! Our own little Western White House talent show. With yours truly as master of ceremonies! This is my economics team practicing some scenes from “A Chorus Line.” Yeah, they better put on a damn good show because they've been kinda useless in their real jobs. A four year “recovery”? Please, even I’m not dumb enough to fall for that load of cow flop!

Look at this folks. See? A President is never really on vacation. The job is hard and it follows you wherever you go. Here we are discussing our campaign to discredit Sheehan. This is when you appreciate a Vice President like Cheney. He doesn’t care how many kids this woman has lost! We have ALL her files here, so it shouldn’t be long before we can leak some good stuff to Rush and Fox News!

Can’t a President go one day without a speech? Kee-Ryst, how the hell am I suppose to get any ranch work done if I keep having to talk to those jerks in the press? Once I finished here, Rummy, Condi and General Myers helped me finish the chicken wire fence. That damn Cheney used his pacemaker excuse again to go back to the main house.

Yes dear, fine dear, I’ll go to the store...AGAIN. How come we go through so much food during vacation? Laura sent me to the Fina Station for some cheese doodles, Diet Cherry Coke and hamburger. (Yes I have cattle on the ranch, but everybody would throw a hissy fit if they saw me slaughtering any of them). Man, I gotta go 5 miles out of my way to avoid that Sheehan woman. Maybe I should drive by later this week and give her thumbs up and a couple toots of the horn, just to get everyone off my back. I’d better see how the week goes, got a lot of brush to clear.


Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

Wow...that Texas-sized belt buckle has really earned my respect!

7:29 AM  
Blogger MacHeadCase said...

You can see the strain that it causes on his back too.


7:52 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

WOW! That's the best "What I Did on my Summer Vacation" Show & Tell I've ever seen. Just goes to show what can be done when you have professional speech writers writing your material. I think he deserves an A+.

10:21 AM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

PS Lanyards - hahahahahahahaha

10:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If there's one thing our president is good at, it's having a good time--even while he's making everyone else on the planet miserable. Few people on Earth can claim that.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Eat2Live - Michele said...

what's on your Ipod?

Hi from North Myrtle Beach

9:57 PM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

That one group photo -- the one with Elaine "please don't notice my horse-saddle thighs" Chao -- reminds me of those tacky Wal-Mart ad supplements featuring the kids and spouses of Wal-Mart serfs modeling clothes.

6:54 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Sideshow & MHC - Yep, our Pres knows how to bring dignity to the office.

Roses-It would have been a PERFECT vacation if it weren't for that Sheehan woman.

Snake-Hey, the energy companies got their money, not eveybody is so bad off.

Michele-Welcome and thanks for the comments. (I take it North Myrtle Beach is much nicer than Crawford)

Grace-Thanks for the comments. Saw that first group photo on your site, and then hit the jackpot at the White House site. And that photo you mentioned DOES have a back-to-school sale feel to it.

2:24 AM  
Blogger Grace Nearing said...

Dr. Max -- and the DoD links site are comedy goldmines! And my personal favorite: the Social Security website. The only drawback (and you may have noticed this yourself) is that you start getting hits from .gov and .mil domains. Ominous? Don't know. Do you think the government knows about the Blocked Referrer option?

8:50 PM  
Blogger DrMax said...

Grace you are being paranoid, the government could not possibly be interested in what people are bloggin...wait what's going on here? My computer is funny....typing when I'm not using keyboard.....can't yourselves....

..and that is why we should all love President George W. Bush, our great leader and the best American that ever was and never say anything bad about him ever again! God bless him and the USA!!!

Dr. Max (and not someone pretending to be him at NSA Headquarters)

9:52 AM  
Blogger TamWill said...

George W Bush...THE BEST MAN for the job!

7:20 PM  
Blogger TamWill said...

oops forgot to say "thank ya" I enjoyed the yummy pics

7:22 PM  

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