Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Phone Call to a Friend

Rove: Cooper it’s me, Karl. How are you?

Cooper: Ahhh, fine Karl how are you?

Rove: Well to be honest Cooper not so good. In fact I’m pretty steamed up right now. Can we speak off the record?

Cooper: Well it depends on what you want to speak to me ab...

Rove: Great! OK so let’s say there’s this guy, who you’ve always considered loyal. Let’s say you send that guy to Africa to confirm that Saddam was looking to buy yellow cake uranium from Niger. So this guy, this former ambassador, goes and spends all your money partying and ordering room service! Then this jerk comes back with some lame-ass story to cover his butt saying that the yellow cake thing is a myth!”

Cooper: Are we taking about Joe Wilson here Karl?

Rove: I didn’t tell you that! You did not get that from me! Anyway so this guy, let’s call him Shmoe Tilson....

Cooper: Shmoe Tilson?

Rove: ...he starts hearing from the Dems that he’d make a fine Secretary of State, so what does he do? He stabs the President in the back! Accused our President of lying during the State of the Union speech! CRASH...Tinkle...Tinkle....

Cooper: Karl, what was that?! Are you OK?

Rove: I’m fine Cooper, just threw my paper weight through the window. No big deal, do it six or seven times a week when I’m tense, have a whole White House crew just to replace the panes. Anyway, so this Tilson, it comes to our attention here that his wifey poo works for the CIA! That’s right, his wife is an agent! Part of that group of career intelligence babies that have been trying to feed us a bunch of crapola about the Iraq war taking more than six months, can you BELIEVE THIS? CRA-ASH, SMASH....I’m fine, just tossed my stapler out the window too....

Cooper: Say Karl, is his wife a covert agent? Isn’t it against the law to reveal a cover...

Rove: SHE’S A TRAITOR COOPER, A TRAITOR! And she got her sweet hubby to do the dirty work for her! Look, I’m not telling you how to do your job but I think if you should write a story about this! Soon Cooper, I heard through the grapevine that a certain Mr. Novak is VERY interested in this scoop!

Cooper: Seriously Karl, I could get into trouble revealing a CIA agent and..

Rove: You know what Coop? I had a great PIG meal last night at this LATIN restaurant I know, I think the name of the place is ALERIEVAY LAMEPAY! Did you get that Coop?

Cooper: Valerie Plame? Jeez Karl, I’m really uncomfortable with all this, if you...

Rove: Again you didn’t hear it from me! And if anything happens just say it was Scooter Libby OK? I knew you were a true friend Coopstinator! I knew I could trust you, I look forward to reading Time next week! If things turn out well maybe Uncle Karl can get you an exclusive sit down with the President! Well gotta run, bye Coop, all my best to whoever. (click)

Cooper: Ahh, Karl, really...I..OK..bye, I guess. Coopstinator?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you get access to this stuff? I guess that makes you an Inside-the-Beltway kind of guy.
Snake | Homepage | 07.14.05 - 12:20 am | #

1:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny. I'm sure that is exactly how it went too. Rove is such an ass.
sylvana | Homepage | 07.14.05 - 11:05 am | #

1:25 AM  

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