Thursday, July 28, 2005

New Windows Vista Will Have Spyware Preinstalled

Microsoft Corporation announced today that the next generation of the Windows Operating System, Windows Vista, will come preinfected with a suite of Microsoft created viruses, spyware and adware, called Microsoft Trojan. Current Windows users are only able to obtain similar programs by surfing the internet or receiving e-mail.

Microsoft spokesperson, Brad Stepford, said that Windows Vista will be released in 2006 and that engineers are presently preinfecting all areas of the new OS with Microsoft Trojan. “We reviewed the information we secretly gather when users authenticate their Windows XP,” said Stepford, “and we saw that viruses, spyware and adware are by far the most popular programs on their hard drives! So we’ve created Trojan, we thought , why let all these other companies make money by screwing our customers, when can screw them much more effectively and efficiently!”

Stepford said once the Vista update with Trojan is installed, the customer will be taken immediately to the red screen of death. “We’ve changed the screen color from blue for major crashes, we think users will really enjoy it. Instead of the usual ‘fatal exception, press CNTRL+ALT+DEL’ gobbledygook, it will direct customers to contact Microsoft to get the latest Anti-Microsoft Trojan software. Now, that will be $35 to $50 bucks a pop over whatever we gouge them for Vista, so Bill will have no problem making mortgage payments. The good thing is, since we created this malicious software, or malware, ourselves, we can guarantee Anti-Microsoft Trojan will work. At least until we automatically update you to a new version of Trojan. Then you’ll need to buy yet another version of Anti-Trojan. You can see that this will be like printing our own money!”

When asked if Anti-Trojan will protect Vista users from non-Microsoft created virus or adware, Stepford just laughed and laughed. “Good one, “ said Stepford,” a Windows system free from malware, you slay me!”


Blogger Sylvana said...

Now that is the way of the future!

2:14 PM  
Blogger OldRoses said...

I work in IT and we actually talk about stuff like this!

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clever! Fortunately for people like me, people like you are on top of the story. So, who is building the better remedy? Netscape or Mozilla? ;-)

5:10 AM  

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