Saturday, July 23, 2005

My Secret Identity Has Gotten Completely Out of Control

When a superhero picks a secret identity you want it to be nondescript. You want to develop a personality that people recognize but that does not draw attention. Well Captain Justice was doing just fine with his Judge John Roberts identity. Until this past week that is. When the President offered me the nomination to the Supreme Court, all I kept thinking was that my secret identity has really gotten out of control!

This Judge John Roberts identity was perfect. I mean, look at my record, not much there to cause a fuss. I did well at Harvard Law School, became a Republican, clerked on the Supreme Court and found a nice job on the U.S. Court of Appeals. This left me plenty of time to fight crime as Captain Justice, defender of law and order! Whenever I spied the Captain Justice signal I’d call for a recess, throw off my robes and don my Captain Justice costume! I’d head to the scene of trouble in my Justice Mobile! Petty crooks and arch criminals all were foiled by my mastery of the fighting arts and secret Captain Justice gadgets! Now what the hell am I going to do?

I can’t throw a Supreme Court hearing into recess I’m only one Justice! And I can’t call in sick, look at Rehnquist for Christ’s sake, if he can make it into work ANYBODY can. What if Doctor Chaos and his henchmen try to attack the mint again while I’m listening to testimony in some case that will will finally overturn Roe v. Wade?

Well it’s my own fault for investing so much in this John Roberts identity. I should have stayed a lower court judge. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Everybody knows you never let your secret identity become more famous than your superhero identity!


Blogger OldRoses said...

I'm so disappointed. I thought the he wore the Capt Justice costume UNDER his robes.

10:41 PM  
Blogger Isaac Carmichael said...

It's always so obvious in hindsight...I never saw those two guys in the same place at the same time!

1:48 PM  

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