Monday, July 18, 2005

Bored Mars Rover Scientist Ready To Drive the Damn Thing Off a Cliff

Dr. Ernie Bellows, a mission scientist in charge of providing driving instructions for NASA’s Mars Rover Opportunity has become so bored by it’s continued success that he’s ready to drive the damn thing off a cliff.

Dr. Bellows said, “These stupid rovers we’re only suppose to last three damn months. I mean we knew we’d probably get double that and I would have been fine with six months, no big whoop. But Jesus Christ, I’ve been stuck in this damn room for almost a year and half now! Why won’t that fricking thing stop working?!”

Dr. Bellows said he is most upset that Opportunity and Spirit’s surprise success has caused him to miss reassignment to a newer Mars mission. “My pal Dale, he got reassigned to the Phoenix mission four months ago,” said Bellows. “And don’t think he doesn’t lord it over me whenever we meet in the cafeteria. Yesterday I’m minding my own business eating an ice cream sandwich and here comes ol’ Dale. ‘So Ernie,’ he says, ‘have you seen pictures of the Phoenix yet? Boy that is going to be one sweet mission, it’s going to be WAY more advanced than your toy cars.’ I tell ya, if I hadn’t had more than half of that ice cream sandwich left I would have smacked him right in the nose.”

Dr. Bellows confessed he felt a secret joy when Opportunity recently become stuck in a patch of loose sand on the Mars surface, which the mission scientists dubbed “Purgatory Dune”. “I hate to say it,” said Bellows, “but I thought this was my out, Opportunity would get stuck in that sand and the solar panels would get even more covered up with debris so those damn batteries would finally die. I mean, I would have been FREE! But no, genius that I am, I had to figure out a way for it to gradually reverse for five weeks and now everything is running great. I’m never getting out of here!”

Dr. Bellows said, ”My social life is in the dumpster, Mars’ days are just different enough that I've lost all track of normal earth time. I need a vacation or seriously, if we see some kind of deep crevice, I’m gonna plot a course so that cursed rover falls in!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Martian Energizer Bunny. It just keeps going and going and going. Any sightings of the Martian version of Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote?

Hey, what happened to my comment on Microsoft Bob?
OldRoses | Homepage | 07.18.05 - 10:57 pm | #

12:37 AM  
Blogger DrMax said...

You got me Roses, Haloscan has been acting real strange lately, I lost my own comment on that post too. I've been thinking of switching back to Blogger's comments. My fear is losing all the Haloscan comments then. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.
DrMax | Homepage | 07.19.05 - 1:32 am | #

12:38 AM  

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