Monday, June 06, 2005

Ohio Fundraiser Involves Politicians in Amway

Republican candidates across the country, including President Bush, have become annoyed at a prominent Ohio fundraiser who has involved them all in selling Amway Products.

Tom Noe, a leading campaign contributor to Republican candidates, convinced many of them that they could make big money by selling Amway products. President Bush recently returned 50 cases of SA8 Laundry Concentrate which he failed to sell during his Social Security tour. Karl Rove, speaking for the President said, “The President thought he would have more time during the tour, but our staged Q&A’s would always run over. The secret to Amway success is convincing other people to sell the Dish Drops and the L.O.C., and then becoming their distributor. And once those folks convince others to start selling and become their distributors, it’s like you’re all printing your own money! But with being leader of the free world, the President just wasn’t able to devote enough attention to this exciting home business opportunity. It’s a shame, I think we’re just going to have to eat what we laid out for that pallet of Tri-Zyme presoak. I guess we can give it out as gifts to foreign leaders.”

Three Ohio Republicans officeholders are also upset at Mr. Noe for setting each of them up as Amway’s “exclusive” Nutrilite distributors in Columbus. Attorney General Jim Petro said, “I’m out in front of the Capitol, during lunch of course, and I have my booth set up to let people know about the benefits of Nutrilite Omega 3 and who do I see with the exact same booths near the steps? Auditor Betty Montgomery and Secretary of State J. Kenneth Blackwell! I mean I’m running against them for governor, now I gotta share my Nutrilite territory with them too?! I don’t know what Noe was thinking!” Ms. Montgomery said, “I know I can be the most effective governor for Ohio and I know I outsold both these guys on the Nutrilite Concentrated Fruits and Vegetables tablets! Once I get going on the benefits of key phytonutrients, I can’t keep the cases in stock!” Mr. Blackwell said, “Yeah, Noe wasn’t really honest about this thing, but as Secretary of State, I can make it a law that each citizen must purchase Nutrilite’s Targeted Herbal supplements, so I think I may be looking at some sizable bonuses from Amway!”

Noe also reportedly set up California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger as a west coast supplier of Amway’s eSpring Water Treatment Systems. The Governor has failed to return any money or eSprings from the deal.


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