Saturday, June 25, 2005

Karl Rove's Bridge Too Far

Karl Rove today continued his attacks against liberal philosophy. After a speech he gave to conservatives in New York was roundly criticized by Democratic party leaders as offensive, it was thought Rove would tread more lightly in any new addresses. But in a speech to the Young Republicans of Maryland, during their annual meeting in Baltimore, Rove engaged in more anti-liberal rhetoric.

“The liberals want me to apologize, well, sorry. I mean SORRY I’m not going to apologize to a bunch of spineless wimps! Ha ha, in your face Democrats,” said Rove. “What do you get when you cross a homosexual with a liberal? Nothing, they’re all gay to begin with, ha ha ha ha, oh man, I got a million of them!”

The Senior Advisor to the President then said, “When you hear all the whining they do on the left, you have to figure they are all probably close pals with Osama and Saddam, right? In point of fact, you can equate them to the despicable insurgents whose roadside bombs are killing our troops weekly! They are a bunch of cowardly traitors all of them! That is why I’m asking that the President today initiate the Armed Services Patriot Insurance Directive for all active troops currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. We will systematically remove all liberal and left leaning soldiers from our military so they can no longer endanger the mission that is so important to true Americans like us!”

Rove said, “That will of course leave all the fighting to you, the children of wealth and privilege. And I know in my heart that all of you, who have benefited so much from our President’s policies, will answer his call to spread freedom and democracy throughout the world! I know that you, as members of the most elite class of this great country, will take up this challenge and report to the front lines to fight with honor and bravery! No matter if those lines are in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria or South Korea! And no matter how long it takes! Am I right Young Republicans of Maryland?”

After a period of shocked silence, Rove was pelted with picture phones, iPods, Prada handbags and several Starbuck’s frappuccinos. As rioting ensued, it took Secret Service agents over 35 minutes to remove Rove from the Baltimore Convention Center. Rove was flown by helicopter back to the White House, bruised but unhurt. The convention center received substantial smoke and fire damage.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rove sucks.
sylvana | Homepage | 06.28.05 - 4:25 pm | #

8:18 PM  

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