Monday, June 27, 2005

Dr. Max's Parenting Tip #1: Maintain an Open Dialogue With Your Kids


Dad: Did you clean up like I asked?

5 Year Old: Yes.

Dad: Well I didn’t hear any water running, did you really clean up?

5 Year Old: I think so....

Dad: Darn it kiddo, it’s simple, after lunch we wash our hands and face and brush our teeth. Same as we did yesterday and the same as the day before that. It will take you three minutes if you just do it! Why do I have to keep telling you the same thing over and over again until I'm blue in the face?

5 Year Old: Fine! I’m never going to love you again! And I don’t like you and I’m not going to give you a hug or a kiss either. Harumph! (Dramatic crossing of arms accompanied by a hammy stage scowl and turning of the head).

Dad: Well I’m sorry to hear that, but you still need to clean up.

(1 minute later)

5 Year Old: Dad? Can I have a cookie?

Dad: No, you may not. You haven't cleaned up yet!

5 Year Old: Baaaaaaawwwwllll. That’s no fair, you said on one of the days before today that I could have a cookie that time and Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh, I’m never going to have a cookie again in forever!!!!! Sooooooooob!

Dad: That’s enough.

5 Year Old: (Between tears and a surprising amount of snot) I’m never GOING TO HAVE ANY COOKIES ANY MORE FOREV-EV-EV (SOB) ERRRRRRRRR AND EV-EV-ERRR!!!!!

Dad: ALL RIGHT! You can have ONE cookie and then you get your little hinder into that bathroom and clean up!

5 Year Old: (Sniff) OK, (snurff) I promise....

(3 minutes later)

Dad: Did you clean up like I asked?

5 Year Old: Yes.

Dad: Well I didn’t hear any water running, did you really clean up?

5 Year Old: I think so....

(Repeat endlessly)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have made a fatal error in parenting. You have given into terroristic demands. Never give in to the terrorists.
sylvana | Homepage | 06.28.05 - 4:19 pm | #

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This sounds all too familiar. We have become a nation of appeasers.
Snake | Homepage | 06.29.05 - 12:29 am | #

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sometimes it works the old fashioned way... with that big flyswatter like my great grandmother had... and those evil eyes... well... that's what works at my house... the same dialog, but a consequence other than no cookies.

maybe i am just evil, though. i would fight for the devil sign to stay on the lawn and say i worshipped the devil... just to piss people off. ... hmm...
crazy white slave | Homepage | 07.03.05 - 12:40 pm | #

8:07 PM  

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