Monday, May 30, 2005

The Secret Resentment of John H. Watson M.D.


It is my honor to be the companion and chronicler of the man many consider to be the greatest detective in all of England, Mr. Sherlock Holmes. His abilities of observation and powers of concentration are second to none! I aid him as a friend as he pursues his many and varied cases! I have made him somewhat of a celebrity by publishing accounts of our adventures in The Strand periodical. I don’t expect thanks of course, but would it kill him to say it once in a while?

I am often in attendance when witnesses appear at his Baker Street residence. I take notes as they lay the facts of the case before Mr. Holmes. He of course is busy “thinking” so he can’t take the time to be civil to these people. He is the great Sherlock Holmes, he can’t lower himself to offer them tea, some sympathy for their plight or even acknowledge them as they arrive and leave. No, that appears to be Johnny Watson’s job! Hey, I am fine with it, really, but I am not a butler, OK?

Then I get the privilege to sit with the great Sherlock Holmes as he mulls the case over. Now, I have the notes, I know what the witnesses said! So if I try to give him my thoughts on the case what does he say? “ Quite so Watson, you see, but you do not observe.” Hey Sherlock, excuse me for being a moron. Jeez I guess it’s a miracle I can dress myself in the morning. I've got an idea, why don’t you go shoot some more cocaine and play your damn violin, which you suck at by the way!

I’m not stupid you know, I have a medical degree for Christ’s sake! I also have a Jezail bullet in my leg from when I served my country in Afghanistan! I may not be a super genius, but I have slept with a woman! It just ticks me off, the way he acts sooo superior in that idiotic Deerstalker cap! And who always has the revolver when we need it? That’s right John H. Watson MD.! Not Mr. Brains! I tell you kind people, one more “elementary” crack and I’m going to tell that jerk where to stick his Meerschaum pipe!

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