Monday, May 16, 2005

President Bush Begins 80 City Tour to Promote Clamato


(Washington DC) President George W. Bush today began an 80 city tour to promote the use and benefits of Clamato juice. “The blend of tomato juice and liquified clams is a great tasting, low calorie alternative to other juices. And it’s great spicy taste can be enjoyed with any meal. And before you ask, it’s low sodium, with no sugar or cholesterol!”

Democratic party leader Howard Dean said he wasn’t sure why the President had decided to crisscross cross the country in support of Clamato. “Yeah, we’re trying to analyze why he’s doing this. Maybe Karl Rove saw some numbers he coveted in Clamato drinkers, but I don’t see that it would be a vast number of Americans, do you? It makes about as much sense as his Social Security tour I guess but, is it just me, or does this seem a little strange?”

In a speech marking the first stop of his tour, President Bush said, “A lot of these inside the beltway folks will tell you that it’s not smart to spend your political capital on an issue like the refreshing taste of tomatoes and clams, but I don’t listen to those folks. When I first tried this delicious blend at a luncheon held at the American Enterprise Institute, I knew I had to let the American people know about it! I want people to own their own Clamato, in cans or convenient family size quarts!”

Bush supporter, Harwood Gatlin sat in the front row at the rally, “I admire the President tackling an unpopular issue....but, Clamato? I really enjoy watching him speak, when he sees something he thinks will benefit Americans, he gets out there and gives it his all.....but seriously, Clamato? Well, if it’s something my President says it important, I’ll pick some up I guess.....it’s just.....CLAMATO?”

White House Chief of Staff, Andrew Card said, “The President feels this is important, you don’t hear the Democrats talking about Clamato at all and...look, here’s the deal. The President gets these bugs up his butt about certain issues, at the beginning of this year it was asbestos, I mean what the hell? Why is a President talking about asbestos in a State-of-the-Union speech? Well, he goes to this luncheon and all we hear for the next three weeks is Clamato this and Clamato that. It’s like he’s got a loop playing over and over in his head. When he gets like this Karl and I just send him out on the road, I mean, we have work to do!” Mr. Card then took a drink from a can of Clamato and coughed, “Whew, sorry, you have to remember to shake these up or the clam and tomato juice separate. I think that last swallow was all clam!”

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