Monday, May 02, 2005

New Pentagon Study: US Troops in Iraq Say Cold Beer More Important than Cruise-Holmes Romance


Defense Officials have announced that the newly confirmed relationship between actors Tom Cruise, 42 and Katie Holmes, 26 ranked lower in a list of concerns for U.S. troops serving in Iraq than the acquisition of a really cold beer. The results were part of a Pentagon survey of all troops currently serving in the war zone.

U.S. Army Private Dale Neesom serving near Baghdad, voiced views found typical for troops in the region. “Hey look, all the best to Cruise and that chick, they seem like nice folks and all, but seriously, have you ever walked around in 110 degree heat with a full pack and helmet? Man, any beer looks good to you after day of that, even a Stroh’s or Red White and Blue! And son, if you can score a nice frosty one, there is nothing better than that! Not that I’m not looking forward to War of the Worlds.”

“Well, I used to like her on Dawson’s Creek,” said U.S. Army Sgt. Denise Johnson of Katie Holmes. “But I really haven’t been able to follow her career that much since I’ve been over here, what with the mortars and rocket-propelled grenades. In this heat you really do appreciate a cold beer for the refreshment and stress relief, over almost any Hollywood gossip.”

The Pentagon survey revealed that cold beer also ranked higher than news about the Michael Jackson Trial, American Idol and both Olsen Twins. Defense Officials said only one issue beat out cold beer for the troops: getting their butts the hell back home.

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