Thursday, May 05, 2005

Iraq Car Bomb Vehicle Unwittingly Pimped

(Kirkuk, Iraq) In a case of confusion caused by the insurgency, the Al-ILC (Iraqi Learning Channel) program, Upgrade My Vehicle of Transport, inadvertently overhauled a suicide bomber’s car. The program, similar to MTV’s Pimp My Ride and TLC’s Overhaulin’ features the free restoration of a car as requested by the owner’s friends or family. The program creates a ruse so that the owner is unaware of the upgrade until it is unveiled for the cameras.

“You know, we should have suspected something when we gave Fahad the cover story that his car was stolen,” said Ahmad Yusuf-Rahman, friend of Fahad Hakim, who’s vehicle was chosen for the show. “He just freaked, I mean like way out proportion for that piece of crap pickup of his. We were all like, mellow out dude, it’s not like your car was worth anything, and he’s all ‘You do not understand, why did you not keep an eye on my car, I curse you all as dogs!’ Y’know we were just trying to do something nice for the guy! I guess you never know about people though, even your friends!”

The host of Upgrade My Vehicle of Transport, Wink Al-Jamil said, “Hey, we were all in the dark about this Fahad guy. His friends had no idea that the pickup had 50 pounds of C-4 molded into the frame! And man, if we had known I can tell you that we would NOT have been using those blow torches so freely! The whole show was kind of a bust anyway, we put all this work into his ride, we do the big reveal and instead of a big emotional payoff, this creep just gets in the truck and takes off! Not even a thank you to the friends, leaves them there eating dust. What a jerk!”

Fahad’s “pimped” truck included a new sunroof, solid gold 20” rims and a custom stereo featuring titanium surround sound speakers with an 800 watt die-cast sub woofer. The vehicle’s target was believed to be a shop in Kirkuk but it exploded prematurely, killing only Fahad. Officials theorize Fahad may have turned up the bass too high while playing a cassette of jihadist death anthems.


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