Friday, May 20, 2005

Conservative Group Wants to Outsource Evolution to India

Conservative watchdog group, The American Center For The American Family And No Gay People, has proposed that the United States outsource the Theory of Evolution to India.

Head of the group, Reed Dalmont said it is time America let the developing nation have the Theory of Evolution so the U.S. can return to the universal truths of the Bible. “All this ‘man from ape’ nonsense has got to go,” said Dalmont, “I say let all those Indians damn their souls to hell fire, heck they are probably headed there anyway with that goofy religion with the cows which does not even mention Christ as a personal savior! Let’s ship all that baloney about dinosaurs and what not over there and good riddance to it! I’m not gay by the way.”

Amshul Sahani, spokesman for I.N.C. - India New Century, a business development foundation for the country, said they would be happy to accept the theory, “Yes, we would be quite pleased to make a home for evolution. If America no longer needs it I’m sure we can study it and enjoy all the advances it provides us in the field of science. Say, if you guys are done with Physics, Math, Medicine or anything else, give us a call. We really are chomping at the bit to become a dominant world power and it would really help us along! I can’t speak for the Chinese of course but I can almost guarantee they would say the same thing!”

Dalmont continued, “To turn America into a mere shell of it’s former self, much like England is post-empire, would be worth it if we were to create a new nation based on the teachings of the Good Book! All this reliance on jobs, money and food has made this country weak and sinful! I bet if we became a theocracy a citizen would no longer have to be tempted by those gay bookstores out by the airport. Not that I would know anything about those because I am NOT a homosexual! I just like to look at the occasional well ripped stomach, broad shoulders and sideburns of a hot young construction worker! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Sahani said, “We are a hundred percent behind Mr. Dalmont and his group! Why, thanks to him, India is heavily invested in stem cell research. If this turns out to be the next big advance in medicine, India will make untold billions! So America, please, I speak for my whole country, listen to Mr. Dalmont he is a wise, wise man......and from what I’m told, not gay.”


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