Thursday, May 19, 2005

All Darthed Up With Nowhere To Go


I should have seen it coming.

When Sally Reese, head cheerleader, started flirting with me I should have felt something in the force. But I guess, even Barry Dunsnale, Vice President of the Reynolds County Star Wars fan club can be deceived by those from the dark side.

It was weeks ago. I had scored reserved seating for the midnight premiere of Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of the Sith (being a fan club official DOES have it’s privileges). Then all of a sudden Sally Reese, out of the blue mind you, compliments me on my Dr. Who backpack. After a majority of my Junior and Senior High life virtually free of any female attention, all it took was one comment from the head cheerleader to cloud my mind. She told me she’d love to go to the premiere with me, and that she wanted to bring some of the other cheerleaders along too. Which took care of all my eight tickets.

What plans I had for Sally and me. After the midnight showing I would take her back to my Mom’s house for some Hi-C and Chex Mix in the basement. Sally would watch as I typed in my comments on the Star Wars Fanboy Midnight Premiere Review Forum. After reading my insights on how Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader, Sally would turn to me, and lit only by the Hamm's waterfall beer sign, kiss me. Oh what a fool I was.

As I stood in line in my official Episode III Vader outfit, Sally told me she would love to have a Coke Icee from the Target across from the theater parking lot. Sally said she’d hold the tickets for the other girls. I, being a gentleman, told milady that I would be honored to grant her wish. I crossed the lot, my Darth Vader cape flowing in the evening breeze. But what did I see upon my return? Sally did indeed have fellow cheerleaders with her, but also in her company was Andrew Hansburg, quarterback for our school’s Fighting Hornets. Several of his comrades were also present. Four football players and four cheerleaders. Which meant we did not have enough tickets. And the screening was sold out! I asked Sally what was up. It was then she laughed at me, and told me to take my stupid outfit and go home.

My anger could not be assuaged. I told Sally that she was deceitful and that I rightfully belonged in that theater. There was never going to be another midnight premiere of a Star Wars film, I would not be denied! Andrew and the rest of the football players then descended upon my person. Let’s just say no snuggy has ever cut so deep.

So here I sit, at the curb outside the theater. I can feel the bass of the special effects under my feet. Life is cruel, I guess Sally has taught me that lesson. I take a sip of the Coke Icee and look up at the stars, some from galaxies far far away. The starlight wavers in the deep dark sky, a few from the heat escaping from the parking lot, but most from the tears in my eyes.

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