Saturday, April 16, 2005

That One Blog Exclusive! Interview with the Monster from Lost, with Picture!

(Oahu, Hawaii). It sits in a huge director's chair, it lights a cigarette (specially made, as big as some of the palm trees behind it), it closes it's eyes for a moment and starts. "This is hard for me," said the least known cast member of the ABC series Lost. "It's just really good to be back, for a while there I wasn't sure I would be."

It's the Monster. After an exciting debut in Lost's thrilling pilot, little has been seen of this creature. It's absence was thought by a lot of fans to be the fault of the series' writers, but in this exclusive interview we found out the real story. "The fact is, I've been in rehab the past four months," said the Monster. "It's the typical VH-1 Behind the Music type story," it continued, "fame, booze and drugs. I was pretty impressed with myself and the success of the series so I started partying. Big time. Big mistake."

"Look, we would have loved to show more of the Monster but filming with it was impossible," said Lost's Creator and Executive Producer J.J. Abrams. "The fans have been riding us pretty hard, but the Monster was just in no shape to do scenes." Co-Creator and Co-Executive Producer Damon Lindelof agreed, "The Monster was going through six or seven tanker trucks full of vodka a day, have you ever tried to wake something that big when it passes out?" Abrams continued, "I admit this took me totally by surprise, the Monster did a great audition! Frankly, I thought my biggest headache this year was going to be Tom Cruise on Mission Impossible III, with the Scientology this and L. Ron Hubbard that, but this rehab situation was a real distraction."

The Monster's agent, Morty Reynolds felt for his client. "Y'know the Monster cares," said Reynolds, "it knew it was letting everybody down. I've worked with some of the greats, The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and Mechagodzilla! Trust me, this kid has their kind of talent! Unfortunately the kid also has a weakness for the juice, the crazy weed and the broads."

The Monster said he decided to go into rehab after a night of partying with some of Hollywood's elite. "Let's see, Lindsey was there, Paris too I think and the Olsen twins. Well, I scored some prime smoke and I got the munchies, you know? Before I knew what I was doing, down the hatch goes Mary-Kate. Or was it Ashley? I always get them mixed up. Anyway, the police come and I'm so out of it that I threaten to tear down the landmark Hollywood sign, so they let me go with a warning. But man, I just felt bad and I knew it was time to change."

"Like they tell you at treatment, one day at a time," said the Monster. "I'm feeling better now. J.J. says he has a lot more scenes with me in the final episodes, so I'm pretty excited about that. I know I have to regain a lot of trust around here but I'm sure I can do it." No matter what role the Monster plays as the season ends for Lost, here's hoping his personal story has a happy ending.


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